Hello, Just Found You All Today

[backtolc]

Hi, I'm 2 years into trying to divorce my STBXH who hasn't been diagnosed with anything but who has (over nearly 30 years): used the silent treatment many, many times; never accepted that he can be wrong about anything; belittled my work and study achievements in private while praising me in public and guilt-tripped me into doing many things I didn't want to do.

I told him almost 2 years ago that I wanted a divorce and was persuaded to try again, but I'm sure you can guess how that worked out. We have been living together this whole time (separate bedrooms for a year) and Covid has meant we are both working from home full time so it has been agony.

I'm now planning to file in January and I'm sure he'll make it hell. He has already said he wants more than 50% of our assets as I stayed at home while our children were little and he deserves more so I'm expecting it to be awful.

I found this forum today and it would be great to be able to share my highs and lows with you as I try to get free.

[Sparrow_wing]

While I'm not happy about your situation I'm very glad you found this website. Your spouse can ask for whatever he wants but that doesn't mean he will get it. Find a good lawyer, one who is familiar with personality disorders if you can.
But really I popped in here to recommend a book that I've been finding helpful: "Will I ever be free of you?" subtitle: "How to navigate a high-conflict divorce from a narcissist and heal your family." by Karyl McBride, Ph.d.

You may grieve your marriage, which came as a surprise for me, but what I was morning was giving up on the idea of a good marriage and accepting that wasn't possible with him. It was setting aside hope and that was painful even if it was needed to move forward.

[backtolc]

Hello Sparrow_wing and thank you for your kind welcome and the book recommendation, I will definitely look it up.

I have found a solicitor (UK) that seems to understand what I'm dealing with and who laughed when I described what he was asking for. I need to be able to not get hurt when he talks about how little I 'deserve'.

I have been having counselling and so now feel able to take the next step and file - feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

[Boat Babe]

Hey Backtolc. Depending on your situation you should get 50% as an absolute minimum here in the UK. A woman's contribution to raising the children is counted in law. Your husband is talking brown stuff to try to hold on to you. He will pull every trick in the book so get all the support possible and have a plan for leaving the house in a hurry if you have to.

Keep talking to us through the inevitable ups and downs of this deeply unpleasant but utterly necessary process.  We all get it. ❤️