New here... trying to navigate a relationship with a BPD mother

[S360M]

Hello-
I have been in therapy for most of 2020 to discuss my relationship with my mother. I have always thought my mom was dramatic/obnoxious/immature/needy for attention but it never crossed my mind that she was BPD until I really started diving in to my relationship with her and the hurtful things she has done to me and my brother. The more I learn about BPD the more things click and the less crazy I feel. I am hoping to connect with someone else with a BPD mother.... I would like a relationship with her again but thing have become worse not better since I started setting boundaries. With continued therapy I am hoping to understand more and cope better. Also-I want to break the cycle and make sure I don't end up like this....

[bloomie]

S360M - Hi and welcome to the community. It is bittersweet to have that aha moment when you realize the traits and behaviors that have been hurting you in a relationship with your mom may add up to a serious disorder. I am really sorry the relationship is so painful.

I am thankful you have reached out for support. The good news is there are strategies and there's healing and you are creating a support system around yourself with a therapist and joining here.

Make good use of the toolbox above at the drop down menus, book recommendations and other resource recommendations. Sharing on the community board for those with PD parents will put you in conversations with others who are struggling with similar issues with their parents.

Here is a link to that board: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=4.0

When you are ready join the conversations! I hope you find your time here as beneficial as I have and I look forward to supporting you.

[ShyTurtle]

The more I learn about BPD the more things click and the less crazy I feel.

I can relate to your statement there! I have learned that there seems to be a repeated pattern of bpd people in my life! My ex of the last 8 years I'm pretty sure had bpd as well as npd and probably some others like ocd and anxiety. And now my housemate (who I'm leaving soon because I'm so burnt out from abusive people!) has bpd and has been really toxic lately. Interestingly, living with her constant rage and nitpicking reminds me so much of living with my mother growing up! It's like deja vu!

This bpd housemate situation happened right after a whole lot of therapy to deal with the trauma of growing up with my mother, and coming out of that toxic 8 year relationship! So you could say bpd has been at the top of my mind! During therapy I had to go NC with my mother. I really needed to create space to heal. It made me realise that I'm so much better off with less of her in my life. All of her crazy-making takes up my precious brain cells, and I've already got some memory impairment from the abusive relationship I was in.

I may not have a lot to offer with regard to rebuilding a relationship with our mothers, but I am here to share thoughts and ideas with you regardless. Honestly I don't believe my mother is capable of having a healthy relationship beyond the sporadic grey-wall interactions I've had with her. She drains me.