stalker ex - how to deal with him showing up places

[ShyTurtle]

I left my ex in June and he has been stalking me ever since (even though he's had a girlfriend!!) We live in the same area and so I've kept a low profile. I'm really scared about being seen and him approaching me.

Do you guys have any tips on how to handle it when they approach you out of the blue?

[Boat Babe]

I don't know what the laws are in your country but certainly in in the UK this is illegal. Please talk to someone who can give you legal advice. I would start with the Police.

It must be scary and horrible and needs stopping. Sending hugs.

[Medowynd]

Have your car checked for a tracking device.  Check your phone for trackers.  If he somehow has had access to your home, have it checked for cameras and microphones. Research the stalkig laws in your state.

[GettingOOTF]

Document everything, check for tracking devices, lock down all your social media, cut contact with any mutual friends who could give him information on you and speak to a domestic violence line and do what they say.

My experience with the police is that they do nothing unless actual laws are broken and it's not illegal for him to be in public places. Yes stalking is illegal in many places but it's not considered a priority crime and it treated accordingly.

Above all do not engage with him at all. This will only encourage him.

If it's possible I'd consider moving.

I recommend reading The Gift Of Fear and following his advice to the letter.

[sad_dog_mommy]

Hello!   I am sorry you are experiencing this!   In my case, prior to our breakup my exBPDbf would track my location using the "Find My" iphone app.   Hopefully when I changed the password for my Apple ID that cut off his access to my whereabouts.   

(( hug )j

[1footouttadefog]

Get the 'gift of fear' book.

If you can afford it, I would get a new phone even a cheap one with a new number.  You cam then leage the other one powered dowm or at home until this is over.

Also, Back up your pics and contacts then get your phone rebooted to factory settings.  Then reset your google and email account passwords from a computer you know is clean.  Then back up your computer docs, pics, files and bookmarks and such.  Then reset it to factory hard drive image. Reset all passwords and email oasswords and all social media etc.

Check your car, look where the spare goes, in the engine compartment around battery especially.  Unless he is changing it out the phone or tracking device will need a power source.  Some cars have a 12volt plug in trunk, or in or under dash or even in the glove box .

Consider getting a restraining order or what ever they call it in your area.  Mayne call a domestoc violence shelter or hotline in your area and ask what they recommend.

[JollyJazz]

I rang the police non urgent line to report what was going on. They recommended one message requesting that the stalker not contact me again, which I did.
Any contact, showing up outside your work etc. is stalking.
I found it really helped my peace of mind to contact them, I felt protected and much better. Time will tell if the person who was/is infatuated with me backs off, but I'm ready for whatever happens.

Best wishes and sending support!

[Phoenix Rising]

Hopefully you live in a country where it will be straight forward to get a restraining order.

I would recommend to save all calls and texts made to you. Don't reply.

Get a new number and device.. especially a new device if they have ever had access to your phone for any reason. A lot of malicious programs are available for these people to put unknowingly on your phone.

If he continues to show up unannounced, keep records of this - take any photo/video evidence of possible. Don't interact with him.

Ask the police for a restraining order. Have any evidence handy for them to see. -  I haven't had the best experience with this where I live due to the laws on how ROs are issued but it helps to collect everything possible. Especially unreturned text/call logs, evidence of him being at the same places as you, proof that you have asked him to stay away.

Please let us know how everything goes and stay safe

[JollyJazz]

P.S. I second everyone here that has said to save every scrap if evidence. Even keeping a notebook of sightings, date, time. If you can record him on your phone that's good. Screenshot of texts, messages. It all helps build up a picture.
The police lady in my case said that once you've sent one message asking the person to stop contacting you (definitely save this). Anything after that is harassment  at least where I live.
Also, if she's fishing around trying to get information about you from your friends and family that's stalky too, if they can save those messages that helps as well.

Best wishes and sending support.
Feel free to PM me if you need support too ☺️