I am new to this forum and have been No Contact with my abuser for 3 weeks.

[LearningToBreathe]

This site has provided me with so much insight, and I am grateful that I found all of you. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for five years. When I finally snapped in November and ended the relationship, I thought I might have ruined my life. When we first met he was so charming, moved in within months, asked me to marry him, etc. But he always had these volatile moments - screaming, threatening, and even physical violence if I questioned him. We would get into these toxic fights and the conversations would last hours or even days. By the end of each fight he had me convinced I was bad and wrong and my words and actions caused everything. I now understand that was baiting. He was a master manipulator and gaslighter. He convinced me that my depression (his diagnosis) caused my reactions, that I was a victim of childhood abuse and needed a trauma therapist, that I was an alcoholic, the list goes on. Each time I would walk away feeling broken and full of shame and guilt for my angry reactions. He isolated my from friends and family by talking negatively about them. While some of the things they did were based in truth, he would exaggerate and devalue them - even my adult children. He referred to my oldest child as "that f'ing kid" and would tell me how awful my daughter was to me. He would drive so erratically that I started to hyperventilate - he told me to stop exaggerating. Our final fight was about me putting up a boundary. He would call me at work and yell - for over an hour. He did it twice in the last week we were together. I told him I will listen and have a constructive conversation, but he could not yell at me. That fight lasted 3 days, and in the end I was the culprit and took all the blame. A few more things happened and I finally snapped and ended it. He has help me captive in hotel rooms, pinned me to beds, thrown me into walls, even once strangled me. As bad as that was, the emotional abuse of a narcissist is far worse (please do not think I am minimizing physical abuse - this is only my experience). He made me feel crazy. I walked on eggshells and always made it my fault. Complete projection. This sight has helped me see I am not the one at fault. I truly thank you for the information and the opportunity to engage in this community. 

[ShyTurtle]

That s horrible and I'm so glad that you were able to break free! I got out of (yet another) abusive relationship earlier this year and I know how hard it is to actually leave! It's a dangerous time!

I recently joined here too. It seems that I am still dealing with PD people. I got out of a bad relationship and I discover that my housemate has bpd too!! In fact, there's a whole pattern of accepting bpd people into my life starting with my adoptive mother.

Now I'm in a new relationship and I find myself overthinking everything.