Soooo Bored with my UPDP

[Dodo]

So same old routine, him seeping till 11:00, 12:00 or even 1:00 pm. He is on UTude most of the night and doesn't sleep like I do.  I get up with the dogs in the morning, do my yoga, watch CNN, enjoy my time with myself and the dogs.  Lately he hasn't been working, the odd call, but home most of the time.  I walk the dogs, do the usual laundry and housework.  Today my updh slept,  and shampooed the family room carpets.  He kept asking " well how do the carpets look"  he constantly needs praise for whatever he does.  He then took a picture of the carpet so he could show his daughter, they speak every night for an hour or so.  I am just waiting for the vaccine so I can visit family or go on a trip.  My guy won't want to do any of these things with me as he won't travel or do much of anything.  I am hoping I have the strength to carry on with my life without him in the New Year.  It is hard but I am now sure my life would be better without him, but still hard as I know what it is like to be alone, and for me it is hard, but I feel stronger now and have learned a thing or two since my husband died.  Maybe being alone is not so bad, maybe being alone will give me more insight into myself, life, I don't know I just know that living with this man child is not what I want for the rest of my life. 

[1footouttadefog]

Continue taking care of you and proceed with intergrity and you will find your way to a better life.  Maybe 2021 is the year.

[Boat Babe]

Being on my own was OK till Covid as I had visitors, went out and did voluntary work. Since March it has been much tougher and I have had some bad days. However, my solo life is infinitely preferable to being in a relationship with either of my exPDbfs. I am totally in charge of my own life and no-one abuses me.  I am at peace and my healing continues.

If we have had abusive childhoods, fear of being alone is often deeply embedded in our psyches, however the fear is worse than the reality. As far as I am concerned, the worst thing is living with a person who abuses you. Be brave!

[GettingOOTF]

During Covid I have been grateful every single day that I am no longer with my BPDxH.  I can’t imagine how much more stressful the whole thing would have been with him in my space. 

There is not a single way that my life is worse off being on my own and away from that relationship.

It’s hard to see when you are in the thick of it, but things get so much better.

At some point I had to decide what I wanted out of life and then take steps to get it. I chose to leave. If I’d chosen to stay I would have worked on accepting my ex for who and what he was. That wasn’t what I wanted. Years later my ex is still living the way he was when we were married. They do not change. They just suck you in deeper. The longer I stayed with him the harder it was to leave. I want to cry for all the wasted time, experiences, opportunities and friendships I missed out on because I chose to stay as long as I did. Instead I celebrate having those things now.

We all have choices, they aren’t always easy or the choices we’d like to have, but every single decision we make is a choice. I chose to risk leaving and it’s paid off in buckets.