He agreed to a settlement. Not celebrating yet!

[Stillirise]

It's been 9 months now, since I filed for divorce from stbxUPDh.  We have finally reached a settlement agreement.  With courts closed due to the pandemic, and stbx's general unwillingness to cooperate, I think this seems reasonable, time wise.

I am going to be back to that old pins and needles feeling, waiting for the final decree to come.  I hate to say I'm optimistic, but the fact that we have a settlement, agreed to in writing, is a milestone.

A few ironic details:  His most recent final offer, which I accepted, was first offered by me in June.  He declined, then made me another offer, which I accepted.  He then withdrew it.  We've been back and forth ever since.

The reason this is suddenly urgent for him now, comes down to him wanting something that he can't have until we settle.  Another person has come along, who stbx wronged a few years ago, that is trying to make their own deal, on the thing stbx wants.  He's afraid his deal will fall though, if he can't get what he needs from me to complete the transaction, which I won't give him until there's a signed divorce settlement.  Oh, the tangled webs they weave.  I'll take the leverage, and karma, any way it comes, at this point. 

So, I'm smiling ruefully at the fact that sometimes a PD's actions do come back to haunt them, and sometimes help comes from unexpected sources.  However, I'm also unable to feel optimistic until there is a final decree in court, which could still be awhile.

Your help in getting me to this point cannot be overstated. Thank you all so much for your guidance and support on this treacherous journey!   

[Starboard Song]

I get your reticence to do high fives and celebrate. Even when it is all over, cautioned sobriety seems more in order.

But do not fail to realize how much strength and patience you've shown to survive to here. You're doing great, and are poised for the next great step.

[GettingOOTF]

Congrats. This is very positive.

Mine took longer than 9 months and there was no pandemic.

What finally convinced him to settle was that he needed to be divorced to do something and he'd told the woman he was living with that he was already divorced. Their lives are so exhausting. I used his need to rush it through to get him to agree to every single one of my terms. In many ways I'm glad it dragged out as I ended up walking away with everything vs giving him "half" like I wanted to do at the start when I was still super FOGgy.

[Stillirise]

Thank you for the encouragement!  Today, I do feel like a weight has been lifted, even if I'm also prepared for more chaos to come.

[LiftingFog]

Congratulations!  I completely understand your reluctance to celebrate just yet, but this is just another stepping stone in your healing journey.  With each step, you've gotten stronger and sure of yourself, and THAT by itself is worth celebrating!!!