Housemate's plea for sympathy

ShyTurtle · January 15, 2021, 10:46:08 PM

I read somewhere that those with bpd need constant attention. This seems to be the case with my housemate. She's been nitpicking for a good few months now, and not that I've been grey rocking our interactions (and actually ignoring her nitpicking and cruelty) she has now shifted into trying to make a plea for my caretaking and sympathy.

For many weeks now, she has done nothing other than sit in her lazy boy with her feet up, day after day. I tried offering her some encouragement for her to make a change for herself last month - big mistake! She immediately went on high-alert-defensive, and kicked me out of her house. I've since found a place to live, but she has continued with the nitpicking and I've been minimizing interactions ever since to avoid any further conflict.

Also, since I've lived with her, it has become evident that she has a kind of binge eating disorder. And she's been eating an abnormal amount of greasy food day after day for a couple of weeks now - like 2 full cookie sheets worth of jalapeno poppers and french fries all to herself for a meal. And tonight she sent me a message that her blood pressure has been all over the place and that she was hoping her doctor would send her to the hospital today, and that she will be doing more tests in the next few days.

I view this as a plea to get my attention and sympathy. I hereby relieve myself of being responsible for her self-destructive behavior.

Is this wrong? I mean, if she was ever collapsed or looked unconscious or dead, I would call 911. But seriously...ugh! She's doing this to herself. All of this is happening in her life because she keeps getting in her own way... right? I don't want to be pulled into her drama anymore.

notrightinthehead · January 16, 2021, 02:31:05 AM

Your housemate certainly sounds immature and to have poor coping skills. What you describe reminds me of my NPDh, after a big blow up he would develop some sort of ailment and require my help, almost instead of an apology.

ShyTurtle · January 16, 2021, 01:43:56 PM

Quote from: notrightinthehead on January 16, 2021, 02:31:05 AM
Your housemate certainly sounds immature and to have poor coping skills. What you describe reminds me of my NPDh, after a big blow up he would develop some sort of ailment and require my help, almost instead of an apology.

You've nailed it! My teen is more emotionally mature than this 30-something person is!

Also, I hear you on the post-conflict npd neediness. My updex was big into makeup sex. I think it must be in the same territory of the substitute apology/"I'm needy" kind of behavior. Over time, it started to make me feel sick and disconnected to my body that this would happen. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have put a stop to the behavior before it really took its toll on me.

I don't know about you, but I am so very tired of pd people showing up in my life.

notrightinthehead · January 16, 2021, 05:10:44 PM

I have quite a collection and I have reduced contact significantly. I seem to have longed for drama and emotional uproar in my previous life.

clara · January 17, 2021, 09:15:41 AM

I have no doubt she's doing it for your attention, especially now that she knows she's not going to get it for much longer. In my experience, such people will ratchet it up but when you shrug it off, walk away, don't respond, make it clear you're more interested in focusing on yourself etc. they eventually give up because they realize they're not going to get what they want from you. The thing is, you have to let her give it up. You have to get out of her life same as you want her to get out of yours.

xredshoesx · January 17, 2021, 10:18:44 AM

is it possible to end your cohabitation?

ShyTurtle · January 17, 2021, 10:24:36 AM

Quote from: notrightinthehead on January 16, 2021, 05:10:44 PM
I have quite a collection and I have reduced contact significantly. I seem to have longed for drama and emotional uproar in my previous life.

I hear you on that. I think it definitely had to do with being groomed for pd people being the standard for normal in my life by a pd mother. At this stage, I think we should maybe be celebrating finally being wiser than our former selves.

ShyTurtle · January 17, 2021, 10:25:51 AM

Quote from: clara on January 17, 2021, 09:15:41 AM
I have no doubt she's doing it for your attention, especially now that she knows she's not going to get it for much longer. In my experience, such people will ratchet it up but when you shrug it off, walk away, don't respond, make it clear you're more interested in focusing on yourself etc. they eventually give up because they realize they're not going to get what they want from you. The thing is, you have to let her give it up. You have to get out of her life same as you want her to get out of yours.

I have 15 more days until I get the keys to my new place. I'm counting the days!

ShyTurtle · January 17, 2021, 10:26:43 AM

Quote from: xredshoesx on January 17, 2021, 10:18:44 AM
is it possible to end your cohabitation?

Absolutely! I have my new place lined up for Feb 1, and at this point it just a matter of counting the days and survival.

xredshoesx · January 17, 2021, 10:34:44 AM

you got this shyturtle! i am so glad you have a new place all lined up and here's to your future peace.

ShyTurtle · January 17, 2021, 01:32:05 PM

Quote from: xredshoesx on January 17, 2021, 10:34:44 AM
you got this shyturtle! i am so glad you have a new place all lined up and here's to your future peace.

thanks redshoes!!