Protocols over health

Prototypian · January 16, 2021, 06:43:03 PM

The whole family came down with the pandemic and tested positive. But I had it the worst. I had a secondary pneumonia infection that drove me into wheezing, coughing fits and low pulse ox. I was admitted for observation, given iv antibiotics and antibiotic prescription and I've been bedridden and concerned for a week. I'm the breadwinner, the dad, the only person who cleans up anything. And since this started I've been treated like I'm a cdc rule guide by my wife. When I walk through the house to get water she will stand and move away to maintain a 6 foot distance. She refused to come in the room to check on me because of 6 foot quarantine rules. She made me drive myself to the Dr to avoid being in the car. The ostensible reason is "she wants to follow all the school guidelines for the kids and their activities but the doc told me if I had not come in I could have needed intubation. I don't ask for stuff but she refused to bring me ater unless it's handed with one of those trash grabber things. I'll be talking with one of the kids on. Homework and she will interrupt and say "I am sorry but I have to ask you to separate for the safe to of the other kids".

I know she is very tied into the school but this is a time where docs have said it's very serious.

Prototypian · January 16, 2021, 06:44:12 PM

Sorry posted too quick. This is the second time in my life where I've had a major health problem and her biggest concern was some rule.

Poison Ivy · January 16, 2021, 07:39:06 PM

I'm sorry to hear you've been sick. Based on other things you've said about your wife, I'm not at all surprised that she is strictly complying with COVID guidelines. Many folks with OCPD are reacting similarly.

notrightinthehead · January 17, 2021, 03:08:27 AM

Sorry you are sick. I wish you a speedy and complete recovery.
As for your wife, she seems to behave in line with her character. Surely you did not expect a change of behaviour?

Thru the Rain · January 17, 2021, 03:40:52 AM

I'm so sorry you're sick. I'm glad you sought medical help, even without help from your wife.

She sounds truly awful.

She reminds me of one of my friends who has really taken the "rules" to heart. For her it's not enough to be 6 feet apart, she has to act like everyone else has rabies and is about to bite her. Not just distant but putting up her hand as if other people are about to charge in her direction and she needs to be ready. Extremely anxious expressions on her face. Rapid, shallow breathing.

It's like she has to have this over the top *act* to show how serious she is about the rules, where most of the rest of try to act as normal as possible while still practicing care.

SparkStillLit · January 17, 2021, 08:39:00 AM

Speedy recovery to you. I hope it passes quickly with little drama. I'm sorry you have to be ill with no one to care for you, that sucks!

Frankie14 · January 17, 2021, 08:49:57 AM

I am sorry you are sick..but if the whole family got Covid already what is she staying away from you for?

From my understanding when the entire household HAS IT, they cannot reinfect the members of the house; as you all have it..

So, if she has NOT gotten covid - her behavior is the same as she has always been/dismissive and controlling. If she HAD covid and is acting this way she is bizarre to say the very least and is showing you in no uncertain terms, she does not (pardon my French) give a FF about you..

Let this be a lesson to you moving forward as you age; this woman WILL NOT be there for you in ANY way; she has done this to you twice when you have been seriously ill..she has no intention to take care or even help the sick you a glass of water.

Maybe this is what you need to push you to finally strike out on your own..I don't know, but this covid and these lockdowns have made it clear to me; I am not staying in my marriage. Living the remainder of my days with a moping whining dry drunk..no thank you..(yes at least he quit drinking under my ultimatum); but believe that his behavior is worse as a dry drunk...MUCH worse..

Hope you feel better soon..

Prototypian · January 17, 2021, 06:41:02 PM

Thanks all. Yes, her concern is for the rules and social distancing and restrictions and showing that she is following the rules. I think her biggest concern is the appearance to everyone that she is following the rules.

Poison Ivy · January 17, 2021, 06:51:00 PM

Is your wife an elected official? In some places, they're under a lot of pressure to not be "caught" not following physical distancing guidelines.

Prototypian · January 17, 2021, 08:18:08 PM

Poison ivy:

She is an elected official and one whose every movement, life goal, and fiber of being is entirely dedicated to the role. Maybe that's it but she has been this way over everything our whole life. This one is just further reinforcement for me that I don't matter to her as much as the appearance of rules and order.

Poison Ivy · January 17, 2021, 09:04:52 PM

I understand how painful it is when we're reminded that we are not the top priority to our spouses. But it might help you decide that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with a person who will never be willing to take care of you in your times of need. My ex's withdrawal from being a spouse and a father at the same time he fawned over his parents helped persuade me to get a divorce.