I Cannot Believe This !!!!!!!!!

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Has anybody heard of this?  Nearly 3 decades ago I moved away from my FOO, to another state, a place none of them had spent time, to a fairly remote part, to make a life with my husband and kids.  It was a very twisted, dysfunctional FOO with a lot of abuse, bullying, etc.   I wanted the distance. 

One member began talking about moving here almost right away and I kept her at bay.  Maybe 15 yrs later another one decided to go ahead and  move their whole family nearby, and did.  That one is relating to me and mine the way they did when we were kids.  Trying to take over, love bombing my FOC, and sidelining me.  Infuriating.  I addressed it with one of my FOC awhile back.  We'll see what happens as time goes on.

Another one needed help and moved here a few years ago.  It's been very hard to take.  In my more desperate moments, I've literally thought about selling my home and moving away from my chosen place to live, where I love it, where my friends & FOC are.  I realize that's not the answer . . . for me to have to totally sacrifice myself and my life for them . . . like I always had to do as a child.

Today I heard it.  The last FOO and their family, the one that's been the most abusive to me all along,  who treats me like a complete non-entity at best and a stupid, disgusting enemy to be torched at worst.  The one who visits and arranges family reunions  *here* close to my home to see everyone else who's here now . . .  and doesn't even tell me about them until the very last minute when I could be allowed  to barely stop by.  The one who has intimidated me, assaulted me, cheated me, and turned their whole family against me, treating me like I was the one who abused them (and believe me, I never, ever did anything but try to be friends with all of them, or more recently have a friendly LC) . . . This FOO has arranged with the rest of my FOO, without telling me about it, to come *here,* to my neck of the woods, buy property and move their whole clan here.  It's only by accident that I found out.  I'm sure they will continue to be either hostile to me or ostracize me -- in my own backyard.

I feel like I'm being stalked by tormenters.  I cannot stand it!!!!  These latest ones have already traveled here looking to move.  Not that they told me. I'm not supposed to know.   I'm sure they all plan to shun me . . . In  My  Own  Homeplace That I Moved To To Get Away From Them   (shunning was a big favorite in my FOO) . . .  and also to drive a wedge between me and my FOC if possible, which has already been started.  And if I don't like it?  A big, fat middle finger to me -- that was probably at least part of the point of it anyway.  I makes me ill.

[JollyJazz]

Hi Lookin 2 B Free,

I'm so so sorry to hear about what you are going through :-( That is absolutely awful.

I feel like I'm being stalked by tormenters.

It sounds like they are trying to recreate the bullying dynamic with you that they so enjoyed from childhood. Maybe you were the scapegoat(?). I know I sure was! They really do need a scapegoat.

The fact that they couldn't handle it when you got distance has a helpful aspect to it - and here it is - it shows that distance of some kind lessened their power over you, helped to break the bullying dynamic... okay, so you love your town, and their moving closer in a stalky way does reduce the geographic distance. BUT are there ways you could increase the emotional distance? Could you further reduce the low contact? Could you find ways to be less available to them? Dash away at the first sign of nastiness?
I don't want to minimise the hurt and distress you are feeling at all!

I'm just wondering if there are perhaps ways to protect yourself and get that protective bubble of distance around you

If it makes you feel less alone, my FOO also stalk me. I have delayed buying my first home for FAR too long, on the basis that I want to be able to easily move from them when they find my address. Earlier on, when I wasn't so LLC, I told my PD parents that I was considering moving to a (very remote) small town that I loved. All of a sudden they were talking about moving there and in a smirking, jeering tone of voice said that they were 'going to move right next door'. They know that I want space from them, and do this stuff to torment me. I've since told them (and the web of other FOO siblings/PD flying monkeys that also stalk me that I'm considering living in all sorts of places, just to throw them off the scent, hehe.

Okay this is a little mischievous of me, but could you start talking of moving to a really unappealing little town in the middle of nowhere? Maybe somewhere very remote in Alaska (if they like the heat) or somewhere in the middle of the desert? Just an idea 

Anyway, sending you a big hug and support

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Thanks, JollyJazz.   I'm also sorry for your nightmare.  It's sickening. 

I have no problem lowering my contact, and have done that with everyone.  I can decrease it as much as I need to. 

A few things make me feel trapped.  If I want to keep regular contact with my kids and grandkids, which I do, I need to be in this area. 

Also one FOO has inserted themselves into MY close circle of people (that they barely ever knew) and is now love bombing and cultivating those relationships completely outside of including me.  They have absolutely nothing in common, totally different interests, age groups, values.  It's bizarre, really.  But between chameleon stuff and slathering them with praise, attention, gifts,  it's working well enough.  It's a very old pattern of trying to elbow me out of my important relationships which has always really upset me.  But I don't have control over other people, so I've let my feelings be known on both sides and for now I have to let go of that.

I must say, it is nice to share with people who understand.  I think many people in the world would just think I'm crazy.  Good luck with your freedom, too!