The banning of children's shows that validate emotion

[Andeza]

I just want to toss this out there in the air and see if this was an isolated event or if it's got a more far-reaching spread across pwPDs than I had at first given thought to. My DS is, eh, about 2, and we've just been sitting watching a bit of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. I loved the show as a child and would frequently watch it while my uBPDm was out doing yardwork. For reference it took almost three hours to mow our lawn, so I had a fair amount of unsupervised TV time. But why then? Because I wasn't allowed to watch it. Never stopped me of course... Oh such a rebellious child, sneakily watching wholesome children's programs.

But I digress. When asked why it was not allowed, my uBPDm simply said she didn't agree with what the show taught. Now as an adult, I see that the show primarily teaches the virtues of friendship, love, truth, and the concept of being neighborly. These are all excellent things. And so I am left with the realization that what my mother disagreed with was the validation of children's emotions, whether good or bad. Almost every episode I've seen thus far has made some reference like it's okay to be angry now and then, or it's okay to be upset about something that is upsetting.

I really needed that message growing up. I needed to hear it was okay to be angry, but it wasn't allowed. The message nor the emotion. So I'm curious if anyone else has experienced something similar, with this show or other media that validated emotions.

[Associate of Daniel]

My 14 year old ds's primary school ran a compulsory program for grade 4 students which taught them about different emotions and how to handle them, who are safe people in their lives, etc.

My uNPD exH flatly refused to let ds (who was about 10) do this program, based on nothing.  He hadn't attended the information evening, spoken to any of the teachers or seen any of the materials.

Another, similar program was run a year or so later.  UPDexH refused that one as well. Thankfully the shool put their foot down though and ds did attend.

Also, when ds was about 9 I think, the school recommended ds see a child psychologist.  Over several months I did all the research, spending considerable money and time going to see various child psychologists.

I presented uNPD exH with 3 to choose from.  Nup.  None were good enough.

Needless to say, when I then handed to ball back into uNPD exH's court.... long story short... I'm still waiting, 4 years later. Ds never saw a psychologist.

Thankfully, ds, now 14, is doing quite well, despite the above.

I think these types of things are uncomfortable for anyone.  But for pds, I think it must be a gazillion times worse. Hence their tendancy to block them for their children.  Maybe it's a fear of exposure? They don't want anyone to see through their "perfect" facade?

AOD

[Andeza]

That's absolutely fascinating, AOD. Horrible of your ex, but very informative, thank you for sharing.

I'm inclined to think you're right, that fear of exposure is at least a part of it. However, I wonder if it's not also about maintaining control. In PDland, after all, everything must happen according to the will of the pwpd, regardless of the feelings of others. In fact, that's most likely why so many of them seek to control the feelings of others, i.e. not being allowed to be angry at unfair punishment or unjust accusations, because it messes with their version of reality that only exists in their own heads. What a mess.

[Free2Bme]

Hey Adenza,

All I can say is...wow.  Of all the ridiculous, stupid, mind-numbing, inappropriate, television shows that have been created for children and
Mr. Roger's is off-limits 

Mr. Rogers was my first crush.  He actually did some good in our culture, bringing virtue and age appropriate discussion of important topics to young children.

I def think this must be a PD aversion to anything wholesome, virtuous, and lovely. 

My updxh FOO will criticize and mock anything virtuous, yet they claim to be very religious.  Talk about a contradiction.

When I was married and in the deep end of the FOG, I found a great book written for families to help with conflict resolution (everyone owning their own stuff, treating others with respect, etc.), and we needed help.  I suggested updH lead the way and do a chapter/day with kids and I after dinner.  He sabotaged it from the get-go.  He would gather the 4 children, make a big production of it, start reading, and then find something wrong with one of the kids, or me.  (sit up straight, stop fidgeting, why are you not participating -answer my questions, be quiet your response it to long, what's the matter with you Free2Bme, etc.) He would manufacture chaos, blow up, and never finish.  We attempted the book several times, never made it past chapter 3, the kids ended up hating it.   

My experience has been that PD's despise anyone with goodness and integrity, it has a very polarizing effect upon them.  In my case, I think updH feared information would empower the people he was trying to control and threaten his steady supply of fearful worship.

As we say here......  you can't make this stuff up.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I wasn't allowed to watch Boy Meets World as a preteen. And a lot of other shows, too, but that one stands out as a 

I don't remember Mr. Rogers being banned in my house, but he did get a lot of criticism for being so full of "self-esteem bullshit." I fell into line and claimed not to like Mr. Rogers.

[WinterStar]

Mr. Rogers said, "Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

Is there anything less PD than that? People with PDs don't want things to be manageable or mentionable. And they don't want the people around them to be less upset and scared.

My Ndad used to call Mr. Rogers the "R" word and then do an incredibly offensive imitation of someone with mental delays. He also called another treasured show of mine "Little House on the Prarie Poop." 'Cause dad is nothing if not an incredibly mature man. That one really bothered my BPDm, so she would talk about it frequently, and I ended up hearing her say it more than he did.

My mom wouldn't let us watch Full House. She read it was a bad influence because the kids are running things. You know, like the adults in that show actually care about the needs and emotions of the children.

The Mr. Rogers one is the saddest to me. I credit him and Lavar Burton as being real fatherly figures in my life. They both encouraged me to develop compassion. I am deeply grateful to them both!

[TriedTooHard]

Yes, this went on in my house too when I was a child.  UNPDm was outright irate about Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street.  She ridiculed my sister and me, as little girls, of having a sick crush on the father in Little House on the Prairie, when all we doing is marveling at the close relationships among family members in that show. 

But, I remember uNPDm railing against people in these shows as "bleeding hearts" who must be phony, because it wasn't truly possible for a person to care that way about others.  As little kids, she accused my sister and I of being phoney because we could watch stuff like that on TV but not show sympathy or remorse for her and all she went through before we were born or when we were small children.

When I first learned about NPD, I remember back to those ravings as being very telling of her inner world.  She somehow knew she felt differently than others, and was upset about it.  Also, she resented us for not being able to fix her emotional problems, and parentified us in that regard.