I am new here.

[Deta]

Hello,
It's been a week now that my daughter has stopped communicating with me. I have two young adult children with a PD ex. When I told him I was leaving him he threw me out and after years of abuse I was a mess. He attempted to alienate my children but I got cancer and so it was harder for him to do it (my kids were devastated). I got better but his subtle alienation attempts continued and the relationships with my children are strained and inauthentic (much worse with son than daughter).

There is a pattern of severe abuse in my past that made it difficult to make good choices but I have dedicated myself to healing since my children were young and have matured and grown a lot. My ex and his family are opposed to therapy and bringing their dark family history into the light. They live lies that are just breathtaking in their scope. I am an advocate for survivors of childhood trauma so healing is extremely important to me. My story is so complicated it's hard to explain how things got to this point but my therapists over the years have validated my experience and insights for the most part.

My daughter is blaming me for the way her life has gone bad in the current pandemic and after several phone calls where she blamed and bullied me I made amends for anything I did to contribute but told her she cannot continue to abuse and bully me. I haven't heard from her since and I am afraid to call and get bullied more after setting the boundary. I feel like I could write a book about the situation so it is very hard to explain in a few paragraphs but when I saw the name Fear Obligation and Guilt I knew this was the place for me.

[bloomie]

Hi Deta. Welcome to Out of the FOG. I am thankful you have reached out and joined the community. How worthy to have dedicated yourself to healing and to removing yourself from a position of more abuse... from anyone. Even a beloved daughter.

Modeling self respect and healthy boundaries and continuing to reach for healing and stability in your life and your relationships is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and your child. My hope is that in time, your daughter will begin to mature and begin her own journey. Which as you say, is complicated and layered for all of us.

We have great resources at the drop down menus above and supportive and enlightening conversations taking place on the forum boards. Find the board that best fits your circumstances and when you are ready we welcome you to join the conversations.

Looking forward to supporting you and sending you strength and much wisdom!

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the forum deta-

i am sorry that circumstances have brought you here- but from what you shared you are taking steps forward to get Out of the FOG and i am glad you are seeing the situation with your daughter for what it is- her stuff that you did not cause,  and that you can't control or fix for her.    it must be really difficult to see your daughter behaving in such a manner- especially since you have been doing so much of your own work to recover from the relationship with your ex- is it possible she is mirroring some of her father's behaviors?   you are  truly a survivor and i hope we can continue to give you the strength and tools you need, as well as the support from the hive mind here, to weather this round of storms.

see you on the boards-

[ShyTurtle]

Welcome Deta! This forum is such a great resource! I hope it helps you to find more peace in your life and make sense of it all. It has been an amazing source of validation and support to me since I signed on about a month ago.

[Deta]

Thank you for the replies. I really appreciate the resources available and the support.