Lies I ignored because I couldnt face the truth.

[Dollydrops]

I asked if he went to a particular school, he said no and gave me a different school. I'd checked it out before asking, I just thought he'd maybe been a nerd and didnt want me to know.....first red flag.
2. I had a star named after him, he said no one ever did anything so wonderful for him before ( he'd told me months before that someone had)
3. Told me he couldnt see me one day because he had an invalid relative staying with him who'd fallen and hurt his leg ( third time he'd used the same story) then later said he could after all because his daughter decided not to go  to the stores with him after all????
4. Told me in a phone call that he was at the bank on the other side of town, then called me by mistake 30 seconds after hanging up, asking me to come collect him from no less than 5 mins away from where I live ( we'd just agreed not to meet that day) so the call was for someone else.
5. Told me his first wife left him for someone else and broke his heart, turned out it was him who did it to her.
6. Told me his wife had bad episodes of depression and was volatile, had OCD and was a control freak.....guess what on that one, yep....him.
7. Told me hed been crying all over Christmas because his estranged daughter was on his mind. Told a whole story about her ( to divert from me asking why he hadnt called over the holidays). Once I bought it he never mentioned her again. When I brought her up months later he said 'nah I dont even know her do I'
8. Hundreds more lies and lies of omission.
Any other examples which you chose to ignore?

[Hepatica]

Hi Dollydrops,

I read this post and a few of your others. All I want to say is that it will be of the utmost importance to shift focus entirely away from this man, completely toward yourself and your wellbeing and safety. Many of the examples you give indicate that this man has a severe lack of empathy as well as frightening instability. All of the push/pull behaviours, whether he does them consciously or not, will keep you dangling and therefore in his control. It also can build an addictive like dependency that is very hard to break, but can be broken. Believe me.

I have had an experience like this. I am not proud of it either. It was a married man who pursued me relentlessly only to play with me like a cat plays with its prey, for nearly four years of my life. It was excruciatingly painful for me because, I was trauma bonded to him and my brain became  addicted to the ups and the downs. When I finally couldn't take it anymore and permanently ended it, it took six months for me to get my brain back to normal. I was completely addicted to this man, as if it was a drug and I needed help. I sought counselling and I needed it. I was told by the counsellor that his behaviour was beyond NPD, it was malevolent and probably psychopathic.

What this man is doing to you is psychologically dangerous. Whatever it takes to get away from him, you must do. A few years ago I stumbled across the forum Psychopath Free and I wished I had found it years before when this happened with this particular man. I had been involved with a psychopath i am sure of it. I was a shell of myself by the time I sought recovery.

Don't think of what this is between you and him as love. It is not love. It is manipulation and cruelty, and it wires the brain to be needy and addicted to the word love, that they use to keep you bonded to them.

You deserve to be free of this but it will take much courage and strength and you will probably require support. Get it. You are worth it. Don't let this man steal another moment of your life.

[Dollydrops]

Hi Hepatica, thanks for your reply.
I also found all those websites a few years ago because I was having something confusing thrown at me every day. There'd also been another female he was triangulation with. I did have counselling for a whole year after it all blew up. I was blamed for it all of course to and by his wife. I was told I had broken heart syndrome and PTSD. It was two years before I could get through a day without him constantly on my mind.....then as if by text book back he came.
I think I foolishly believed he came back because he loved and missed me. Hes been fairly constant this time but began pulling back when he had a couple of life changing events. The patterns are suggesting he has attention elsewhere. I'd love to talk to someone who's been through it because I'm still unable to see him as psychopathic. It's very hard when you have someone you have a bond with throwing pity stories at you all the time.

[Janeite V]

Someone I love dearly has had a long involvement with someone who compulsively lies about frivolous (and as we found out, non-frivolous) things.

Even when my friend saw undeniable written evidence of the true shocking extent of the lies, my friend still wanted to maintain the relationship.

Over time it became clear that the lies were tailored to suit whoever the psychopath was with. With certain people the lies were grandiose, designed to make the psychopath seem more powerful and successful. With others (including my friend) they were designed to pull at the heart strings. Either to make himself look pitiful and in need of assistance, or to make it look like he was going to use the money for charitable ends. He was a completely different person depending on who he was with.

Generally speaking, if someone habitually lies about frivolous things, and doesn't even care if they are caught out, they're probably hiding much more.

One thing that really helped my friend compared to the other victims was that she looked after herself morally and legally so that this person could not use any misdemeanors to blackmail her with. It's a favourite trick of this kind. Somehow they can get people to do things they would normally never dream of, and then turn it back on them. For example, they might use the person to buy drugs for them and then threaten to call the police on that same person.

I hope you will make some great progress getting Out of the FOG here 

[Dollydrops]

Janite,
I understand what you mean. In my case he held all control of contact and it was persistent day and night even at weekends. He slowly moved me to a gaming app to use for contact, still petsistently, then slowly missing days or nights. Its now switched to the point that I'm initiating because I'm  worried something happened especially as hes pulled the deeply depressed card. When I do though I always refer to his previous msg in detail because I have a gut feeling someone else is involved somewhere and I dont want to be accused of harassment, you know, the ex who just cant let go. I'm not like that at all. All I know is that he has patterns of persistence, then pulls away but sends the odd token msg in the pull away phase of how much he loves me and says hes thinking of me constantly.
( there are no explanations in between for this) and because I'm used to these patterns  when I ask him he gives valid excuses, whether they are true or not, which make it difficult for me to move on. In my case it's definitely the heartstrings and my caring understanding nature.
He has had dramas and talked about very deep emotions with me all the time likening his problems to me saying 'you know how it is and how I feel' 'youre the only person who knows me  ( hes been married 24 years and blames her for everything. Nothing is ever his fault.

[Kat54]

Oh my lord. This is all so familiar with my ex. And In the beginning red flags for sure but I ignored them. He would tell the craziest things.

What messed with my head was he would get into altercations with our kids and then completely lie about what happened. I always felt like I was dealing with 3 children, him included. He would on occasion hurt them physically when I wasn't around and lie right in front of them to me. They would freak out and say he's lying and he would just brush them off and tell me something totally different. After awhile I Would only believe my kids. It was terrible. That was only one small example.

He was a habitual liar all the time.