Just starting out

[Purpleflower]

Hi, I have been married for almost 4 years to my husband. Through our courtship I did not realize how disordered my husband really is. He has an 11 year old daughter who lives with us. In the second year of marriage, I had several health problems, including a ruptured appendix, heart bypass surgery, and newly discovered infertility. He has taken up the habit of accusing me of  cheating anytime I do something he does not like. He also makes sure I have only about 4 hours of sleep each night. He has taken to lecturing me if I say something he disagrees with. These lectures often last around 3 hours. He says I am not allowed to refuse sex and blames me that he has ED problems. He gets angry when I cry and says it is a waste of emotion. I am trying to find ways of coping and dealing with these behaviors. I am probably doing some enabling myself. I have been reading books and searching the internet to find ways to regain my sense of self and to make the situation better for myself and stepdaughter. Any advice you can offer is much appreciated as I am trying to come to terms with my situation. Thank-you for listening!

[Matteblak]

Welcome, you are in the right place. I'm grateful you found Out of the FOG, but sorry you had to.

Though I'm somewhat new here, I can confirm that you will find people here who understand what you are experiencing (though imperfectly) and want to offer compassion and understanding as well as advice. Please check out the Toolbox. There is a wealth of information there that helped me when I first arrived.

It's okay to ask questions and talk about what you're feeling and experiencing. You will likely find people here who can learn from your experiences as well.

[Purpleflower]

Thanks Matteblak. I appreciated the welcome. I am trying to find ways to manage my reactions and to cope with his behaviors. I am tired of being the target of hateful comments and being made to feel that everything that goes wrong in the relationship/household is my fault. I just want to be able to cope and deal with things in a more healthy way and to find others who understand at least a little of what it is like.

[Matteblak]

It was just such an outburst that led me to Out of the FOG in the first place. I just blew up, which was TOTALLY out of character for me. I felt like a crazed person and realized that while my counselor was extremely helpful, he had never been in my shoes. He couldn't tell me what the journey ahead of me was like and give me encouragement from a position of deep understanding. Look around here. As I mentioned, there are WONDERFUL people here and a wealth of information and encouragement. You are here, you've taken the red pill. Praying for strength and healing for you.

[bloomie]

Hi Purpleflower - welcome to Out of the FOG. Building a support system around you is vital when facing such difficulties in your home. Reaching out and sharing takes courage and I thank you for sharing with us a bit of what brings you here.

Make good use of the toolbox and other resources you will find at the drop down menus above and throughout the forum. I hope you also are building a support system around you in real life. Facing such serious health issues and then finding such instability in your intimate relationship would be a very difficult journey for sure.

I look forward to seeing you out on the forum boards when you are ready to join in the conversations.

[Purpleflower]

Thanks Bloomie and Matteblak. This is a learning process for me and will take some time to master my own responses and emotions. I appreciate your advice and will read and contribute in the forum as I am able.