Continued weird hoarding

[Prototypian]

I've talked about the vacuum cleaner bags we have kept for years in case of stray legos.   I really truly think I've tied the hoarding to a need to "have things to give to others when they need them on social media".  On occasions someone in Facebook or a neighborhood message board will put out an ask for something.   "Does anyone have any ... (Insert something here like gently used baby clothes).   It is an emotional and deep call for my spouse to triumphantly root through the crud and deliver those things to the neighborhood mom to be.  I recall when our first child was born in the early 2000s, her own mother triumphantly showed up at our home with a literal truckload of junk for the baby from when my spouse was a baby herself some 30 years prior.  It included a 250 lb (at least) baby seat from the late 1960s that was designed to bolt through the frame of a vehicle.  The disappointment on her mother's face when she realized we had spent good money on a system that was part stroller, part baby seat, clipped into special connectors in the minivan and weighed about as much as a magazine and that we weren't going to use this saved relic she had lovingly curated for 30 years was almost bringing her to tears.    And now today we have a call for a baby seat whcih she dug out of the attic and then a violent discussion between other moms who say "reusing a baby seat causes immediate death to the child" and on and on.   

My issue is one of trying to cause the very least drama.   Why not finish up with the baby seat, throw it away and when someone needs help, help them purchase a new one.   Or say, sorry, my kids are 15-22 and we don't have a baby seat.  Or ignore the Facebook neighborhood appeal in general.   

I just done understand the sense of loss associated with stuff you hope to eventually give someone else.    The primary reason why we have every single magazine and daily copy of the wall street journal piled in towers in the attic is "what if i need to cut out an article I saw and give it to someone".   My point is, in today's world, share the stupid link or let them google the critical articles on the subject.   Does anyone still pass around actual paper cutouts or articles?   I guess if your son makes the front page, buy an extra copy.   But do we need to save them all in case someone decides "hey, I really am looking for an original copy of the 208 June 4 wall street journal article titled "'should you buy housing swaps'"

If this was normal hoarding tendencies of "I'm just attached to the stuff" I could get some psychiatric help.   But it's really about being able to somehow help save someone and rush to their aid in an imagined hope that they will somehow plead for a precious keepsake you have somehow held onto.   The null hypothesis of "how can you prove someone won't need this" is how everything is justified.   

It's difficult to take apart.

[Poison Ivy]

I'm not a trained medical or mental health care professional. But I have two theories anyway: Your wife is extremely insecure and tries to shore up her self-image by helping people by giving them stuff; or it's an excuse that "sounds good" and makes her feel better about her hoarding. Probably a combination.

By the way, it's a terrible idea to reuse car seats.

[Kat54]

What Poison Ivy said. Combination of both

[Pepin]

Jsinjin- you nailed this so hard.  I see this in NF and PDmil.  NF was a classic closet hoarder....couldn't let go of anything yet spazzed at anyone else that was a hoarder.  For whatever reason, he didn't want to part with anything yet went to the dump every single day even if it was kitchen scraps and bathroom trash.

PDmil on the other hand has no idea how to get rid of things.  Piles it up in the basement and then dumps it on us to dispose of -- and she thinks what she gives is useful.  NO.  It is outdated stuff that lost its usefulness a long time ago.  Even her furniture when the time comes, isn't really in a condition to donate.  Seriously.  It is trash or recycling at best. 

She is also the classic hoarder of things on sale and then tries to dump it on us because she has too much.....just because you have coupon or it is on sale, doesn't mean you need it!  But she takes pleasure in thinking we need it.....when we don't.

I really wish people like this would give to those that don't have.  But heavens forbid.....

And yes, the carseat has to go!  Take it t the fire dept. and let them practice cutting it up for their training.  That is what we did with ours. 

[Cascade]

This sounds like a person I work with. She has all sorts of random things saved in her area, and it's always a huge mess. Can't even see the top of her desk it's so full of piles. And I think it's because she loves having things on hand for anyone that might just need something. I hope you get a chance to get rid of some of those piles without her noticing.