Doesn’t flush

[Cascade]

Anyone else's PD leave toilets un-flushed? If asked he'd probably say he was saving water but I think it's pure laziness. I flush them when I notice but I try not to make it obvious, or he'd probably do it even more.

[Prototypian]

That's a weird one.  Haven't seen that in my PD.   My son used to do it every once in a while but that was just preteen male laziness and it was cured by making him clean the toilet as his chore when the seat was found up and the toilet unflushed.   

[SparkStillLit]

Not as a regular habit, but updh doesn't take proper aim. Pisses on, around, in toilet.
This is part of leaving other messes elsewhere, but leaving piss messes is the WORST.

[Cascade]

Ew, yeah that is yucky. My husband is leaves other messes, especially in the kitchen.

[losingmyself]

Yes, lately more often.
What is that about??

[Fae Greenwood]

My uNPDh goes through cycles to see how low he can go before I react. Once I do, I am soooooo unreasonable. His wife is an unreasonable shrew. But it's the death by 1000 cuts, it just doesn't end with him. And I made the mistake of telling him that the toilets have a special coating that keeps them clean longer. I think he's taken that as a personal challenge from either me or the toilet. So yes, he has developed a "flushing" issue in addition to a stinking-up-the-bathroom issue. Also I mentioned that with our son leaving home, I wouldn't have to clean that one bathroom often at all. Guess who immediately started using that shower? Not every day but often enough that I still have to clean it regularly.

Also with Covid-19, we went over washing hands for twenty seconds using one full squirt of soap 10 months ago. Guess who's soap container hasn't come close to empty in all these months, hmm? I have to monitor him like a small child.

[Cascade]

My husband has started using our unused downstairs shower too, the one I didn't have to clean! Jokes on him though since I'm barely ever  going to clean it.  It looks dirty whether I clean it or not, so it's easy to ignore.

[1footouttadefog]

Passive aggressive narcissitic childlike behavior.

Mine has at times done things like this also. He flushes but would do other things to be nastily passive aggressive.

Forcing his odors on you and making you clean up his messes.  This can be part of parentification  of you with himself being in a naughty child role woth you as "mean" mommy. 

A friend's narc ex also saved his expelling of gas until in her proximity and kept his breath bad yet insiated on physical closeness.

Things like this can be expressions of contempt for the partner.  Sure signs of having been devalued by a narc.

Change of shower may have to do with what they do when alone with themselves.

Dont want to clean to baths, lock the door on extra.

[tommom]

1foot, I have recognized that so much of my my PDh does is devaluation, it is stunning. Never thought about that one, although I think you are absolutely correct. And I wholeheartedly agree that a great deal of what mine does is also about being "Mommy". I once asked him if it he would please put his dishes into the dishwasher. He said "My mother never made me do that."

Hit me like a ton of bricks. (I did scream "I am NOT your mother!" loud enough for the whole county to hear on that one!) I do believe that much of what they do is about parentification. Pathetic, really.

[Cascade]

It's odd to me that when I do clean up after my husband, in the kitchen for example, he sometimes gets annoyed.

[finallyfedup]

this was literally the thing that drove me to ask for counseling. The attitude that he didn't have to bother, I would do it, was everywhere.

[Prototypian]

My 3-5 year old nephews don't flush!!!    It's not really a problem with my uOCPDw.