Anxiety about getting my own home

JollyJazz · February 01, 2021, 11:40:36 PM

Hi All,
I've started the process of getting my very own small home.

I've felt anxiety about it. I worry about doing things 'right', it feels overwhelming.

I also feel like, its something I've wanted for so so long, ironically I'm scared of having it, if that makes sense?
I'm thinking it almost seems 'too much'.
I don't know if this makes sense at all... I'm just wondering if anyone can relate.

I never felt safe growing up, and I've often lived in very uncomfortable room mate type situations despite being able to afford better accomodations.

I know there's some trauma stuff going on. Anyways, I just wanted to share 😊

Andeza · February 02, 2021, 12:09:14 AM

Well, it's not a small undertaking, regardless of the size of the home. It's a big commitment that comes with certain responsibilities. So, some trepidation is completely understandable and even appropriate. You wouldn't want to walk into a deal with the rose colored glasses so firmly in place you get scammed in some way, after all. But that said, there's no need to be overwhelmed. Especially if time is on your side.

If it is, then you can take the time you need to research, look at a few different designs or completed builds in your area. A walk through doesn't mean you have to buy, and it'll feel a bit like window shopping and take some of the anxiety out of the process.

I know you mentioned tiny homes, but can't recall if you intended to build one yourself or buy an already made one. Either way, touring a few complete ones will only be beneficial. Great for ideas! And it'll give you a better feel for the space to stand in it, breathe, and just experience it.

I have a different dynamic going on. Since we got married, DH and I have lived somewhere new every year or two. I'm tired of it, ready to stay in one place. But I feel a similar anxiety... an irrational fear in my case that I'll get my long term home just to lose it.

notrightinthehead · February 02, 2021, 02:20:24 AM

Totally can relate. I think every big decision in my life has come with anxiety. Sometimes panic. Of making the wrong choice, of doing something wrong. And you might. I calm myself down with - if I make a mistake, I will deal with it later. You are probably clever enough to have thought of the worst case scenario and a reasonably good idea what you will do then.

JollyJazz · February 04, 2021, 06:52:09 PM

Hi Notrightinthehead,
Thanks for that!!! ☺️
Yes, I think I can sort it, and its kind of my personality to do lots of research and make sure I'm doing things properly!!

Yes, I've thought it all through and know that I can do this.

Hi Andzea,
Yes, there is a good side to some anxiety - and yes, I am doing my research.

I think more broadly some of this links back to issues with the house I grew up in. I never got to have my own space, privacy. So the process of looking for my own home does feel a bit overwhelming!!

Boat Babe · February 04, 2021, 07:11:34 PM

You are going to love your new home 😃

JollyJazz · February 05, 2021, 01:28:13 AM

Thank you Boat Babe for the encouragement and motivation

I'm going to keep posting here 😊
Most of my issues with finding a place are linked to my fear of my BPD M hunting me down as well as the unfamiliarity of having something all of my own

1footouttadefog · February 05, 2021, 11:17:56 PM

Go with your gut when house hunting. Dont let a better feature set, price, or curb appeal over ride red flag feelings you may have.

Wow, home shopping is kinda like dealing with PDs.

It will feel better on the other side when it becomes home and decision making becomes about towels and flowers.

When PdH amd I functioned well we wouod complement each ither well on real estate choices and together we passed on several disasters in disquise because we felt we needed one that required less compromising and could find a better match that required less compromise.

JollyJazz · February 15, 2021, 10:04:07 PM

Thank you 1FootoutoftheFog!

Yes, I'm just starting out... but learning lots and I'll certainly do my research and use my intuition as well as working things through logically

moglow · February 15, 2021, 10:22:31 PM

DO IT!!! I just turned 59, bought my first home in November - and I'm still just beside myself half the time, looking around at MY home! Mommie dearest doesn't know, prob wouldn't care and she'll never see it anyway. It's all my space and I don't need her poisons here.

Go with your gut, listen to people you trust and DO IT. I promise, you'll feel so good on the other side when they hand you those keys!!

JollyJazz · February 15, 2021, 11:39:49 PM

Hi Moglow,

Don't worry, I definitely will do it!

Thanks for your encouragement!

Yah, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed atm, but I'll keep plodding along. Thank you for the encouragement!!! 😊👍

1footouttadefog · February 16, 2021, 06:54:41 PM

If I were buying a used car, I would expect there to be a decent sozed repair in my near future.

With a home, I would also expect a little glitch or two as well. Even with a brand new home, so If you plan for such things to arise they wont steal your joy if they do.

Having your own place will be awesome.

I have a basement studio at our house and am making a tiny home for myself in a property we own. Its a cottage like shed I plan to convert. Now its like camping, but soon I will have enough cash to get a septic system there. I already have water from a well at the building and an electric oanel waitong for a meter when I am ready for a bill, lol. Once it has a bathroom, the rest will be easy, .....or at least fun anyway. I have lots of used stuff to re or upcycle. Sink, toilet, furniture, kitchen wear, etc.

I hope you have fun with yours.

JollyJazz · February 16, 2021, 09:36:36 PM

Yay awesome 1footoutofthefog,

Yes, I'm okay with the odd glitch... I know I'll get there. You know, I don't think that's my actual worry.

I can't quite put my finger on this funny block that I have. And I think this is part of it
... there are all these lovely tiny homes, so cute. Everything I want.

The thing is, I've wanted a space of my own for so long it's like I feel this flood of emotion coming out. I can't believe that that could be MINE. I've gotten so good at not wanting, not having, I just repressed a lot of stuff and could survive with very little.

It's just a little overwhelming.

Boat Babe · February 17, 2021, 04:54:25 AM

Honestly, you'll love it. Just go for it.

BefuddledClarity · February 17, 2021, 01:17:02 PM

First, congrats on getting your own home!

You'll love it, have your own space and can do whatever you want with it!

Second, I feel similar to you...it can be overwhelming looking for homes. I want a home, but I am not financially ready yet.

Overall, it will definitely be worth the search and purchase of the home---to finally have your own space where you can feel cozy and safe.

JollyJazz · February 20, 2021, 02:49:43 AM

Hi Befuddledclarity,

Thanks for that

Good luck on your quest as well!

I just realised... I never really engaged with even a lot of the idea of what to get. I really have wanted one for so long, that it seemed to painful to think about it too much when it was financially out of reach (most of my life). Now its within reach, I just have a lot of emotional adjustment but also research to do. I think I just need to engage a part of myself that is just moving step by step towards my goal. Logically researching, analyzing, assessing. But also a dreaming, happy excited bit, I think that part is important to dream and feel motivated. I like pinterest, its just a wonderful thing to help to visualise and identify what we want, which is an important part of starting to step towards a goal

I thib