Have you fallen for this type of person before?

[foggydude]

I have. Guilty. At least 3 of them.

Do you have a pattern of attracting, tolerating and partnering up with these types of people? People who love bomb until the hooks are set and they can do whatever they need to get their own needs met at our expense? ( I am assuming near all PD behavior is about this....the need for control to feel loved - even though it provides the opposite- and do whatever it takes to make sure their needs are the focus)

One woman I was with was very stable. For some reason, she didn't interest me enough.

Ive learned sooooooo much lately as I work on myself. There's a switch that turns for me....a point where I am emotionally over invested. Where I have subconsciously decided to give my EVERYTHING to and for this person and relationship. To the point ive ignored my own needs and forfeited my real, confident, self aware persona.

This switch I am working on identifying as we speak. This may my the quintessential missing link for me to move on. This switch is on for me right now, 4 months out of the R!

I'm working on this to turn it to OFF amd never let it get turned on again please

[1footouttadefog]

Its only been me and my spouse on the romance front.

However in some unhealthy friendships of both sexes and with some men I have felt attraction to in the past, and realize I escaped a dissaster by not falling in with them,  I was able to recognize some similarities once I was Out of the FOG and able to look back.

I have come to realize that what I at one time thought of as love is actually a narc loving themselves about the fact someone is living them.  When I thought I was seeing someone in love with me they were in love with me loving them.

Narcs love that they are being loved.  They love bomb to get more.  Nons who are suseptable need to be needed so they give for the reward. 

It is true that to break the cycle we must come to terms with some likely uncomfortable truths about ourselves.

I now know that certain feelings I might have are warnings.  In the past I would have taken them as signs I had discovered a new friend. 

I now see over availability and or love bombing as a red flag.  A normal well rounded person either has a life of their own or will expect me to have one.  They will likely not jump right in with constant contact and activities etc because they have a family, job, home, church or club, hobby, and friends already. 

I now see certain things as narcisstic manipulation, that I would have though were a complement before. 

I dont go around looking for a narc under every rock, however I also dont jump into things quickly, and have found the my simply slowing things down and giving some wait and see time has served to help me avoid some toxic interactions.  In other cases it prevented me from signaling weakness and vulnerability.