Vampire

[Ladymm]

Hello,

I need to vent. I have just talked to my mother and this happens rarely. I try to be in minimal contact. But I feel after talking to her like an evil breeze dried my internal organs.

My mother created me to serve and wipe her ass when she will be old. This should be an ambition and privilege of mine I should never forget about and when the moment comes I will also experience a moment of profound realization. This was never put in words of course.

But now, heretic me, I tried to disobey. She sees that and her narc impulses read DANGER. First thing I minimalized the contact with my grandma, her mom. It was a difficult road to distance, but I think this is what all of us are going through so you will understand the struggle.

Today I called her and since she had some back pain mayb the narc helpless feeling emerged and literally she was going on half hour just about the grandmas. There was no direct judgement towards me, but the indirect was evident enough.

Her words in today's conversation:
- old people are lonely. Every day I call my mother (my GM) and I have to much work with her but this is what one should do. I call her so she doesn't fall in some depression
- oh For you it is easy, you live with your husband ,but imagine you are alone.( I replied to her that I have no fear in being alone and that anyone, old or young, can take good care of how they handle their social life and mental health, but she went on with her drama (as I expected))
- my mother is 82 now,anyday she will crash ill and I will have to become her carer;
- how every day she spends time caring for grandmas, talking on the phone and setting their medical appointment ( this is just because I mentioned they haven't given me an appointment for thyroid scintigrafy, because I have a nodule on my thyroid and also I am a bit scared about that because in rare cases they are cancer),
- she was telling me how grandma has long hair now cos she can't go to hairdresser and asked also, like by the way, when I last saw her - she knows I am low contact and don't call grandma so she was telling me this in the fashion of some manipulation - my gut was screaming HEELLLPP at this point
- she told me how my sister took her mother to some exam (my sister is her golden child)
- we have also the other grandma, mz father's mother - she lives in a home for the elderly  - and mz mom tells me how she calls her every day and how she doesn't have any food there and how she is like old and forgetful - which I doubt, but I saw many times how she tries to evade my mother's intrusiveness. My mother now wants to bring her food and some stuff, which she would leave to the employees because of covid restrictions. My grandma doesn't want all this attention and I said to my mother that if she said she doesn't want why is she bringing her this? But NO she MUST bring so she is THE BEST PERSON on the soil of the earth, and so, I will maybe realize a bit more what kind of bitch I am. This other grandma never calls me, and also I call her rarely. I will not run behind anyone, covid or not covid, young or old, family or not family!

So why my mother had to go on about the grandmas - just to manipulate me and try to remember me what I am intended for. It is like you tell someone enthusiast about Pink floyd telling them you don't like Pink floyd music, and still there will be Pink floyd when you drive in their car and Pink floyd on their radio when you visit them and they will try to persuade you to go with them on that Pink floyd cover band concert and when you will  say again that you don't like Pink floyd they will be quiet, and next time in the car Pink floyd again! And your body memory will know that!

I feel empty.  Where is the energy that was drawn from me..

[Maxtrem]

I have already felt drained of energy after a conversation with my uBPD/Nm. I fully understand what you are going through. My mother also took care of my grandmother when she was losing her independence and pretended to be such a good person. But in reality she hated it and my grandmother experienced a lot of psychological abuse during her last years.  A narc just can't help an elderly person without getting something in return, it's just inconceivable to them.

[Sneezy]

- oh For you it is easy, you live with your husband ,but imagine you are alone.

Oh boy, this hit home for me.  This is exactly what my mom said when she called me crying and ranting in the spring.  Our area was pretty much shut down for 8 weeks and mom was alone in her apartment (surrounded by all her friends up and down the hall, but still living alone).  I was at home with my DH and DS.  Mom kept going on about how I was so lucky to live with my husband and have a yard.  And of course, she was sooooooooooo miserable.  No one was as miserable as her.  No one suffered like her.

But after a while it hit me.  She is my mother and she should be happy for any relief I might have had, whether it was the company of my husband or being able to go out into the yard.  I was happy to hear that my adult daughter was doing well during quarantine.  So why wouldn't my own mother be happy to hear that I was having a good day?  Instead, she used any small happiness I might have to contrast with how bad she had it.  Which is totally backwards.  As a parent, I know that it's normal to feel good when your children are content and doing well.  Not to feel jealous or to use my children's happiness to illustrate how miserable I am.  That was a lightbulb moment for me.

[Thru the Rain]

... they haven't given me an appointment for thyroid scintigrafy, because I have a nodule on my thyroid and also I am a bit scared about that because in rare cases they are cancer),

Not to hijack the topic of your thread, but I had this exact scenario a year ago. In my case, it was thyroid cancer. I've been told (and after my experience I believe) if you could pick what kind of cancer to get, thyroid is the easiest to treat. **as if anyone would pick cancer, but still...**

Good luck with the testing and hoping you get good news!

[Ladymm]

Maxtrem and Sneezy,

thank you for your answers. It feels a bit less foggy in my head knowing that unfortunately I am not the only one subject to such unpleasant experiences😑😣

Thru the rain,

I am sorry your diagnosis was thyroid cancer.  I hope you are now well and fully recovered! As I understand from your words, you are through it. Since you are on this forum I believe this was not the only adversity in your life so I hope you are also well emotionally😔

Thank you very much for your good wishes regarding my testing!! 🙂