Is this a hoover?

[Dollydrops]

The person I've been involved with has all but stopped contact but left it open with a ' when he can'. Its been 3 weeks now, but I've had a mutual acquaintance ( someone he's never spoken to before but knows i know her
although not very well ) mention that he's gone out of his way to let her know that he knows me, that we have a ,'history' although only vaguely. ' Nothing else, just that. Its left me really anxious as she went straight into telling me a lot of bad points about him and also that she knows his spouse. Why would he do that?

[clara]

He did it because he knows how you'll react.  And that pleases him.  He knows he can control you, one way or another.  Leave you hanging, waiting for him to contact you.  Approach people you know (but not good friends, they might not react kindly) with pointless-seeming conversation.  Keep you guessing as to what's going on.  This is a game he's playing.  As long as you play along, he'll keep it going because he's getting some type of enjoyment out of it.  As long as you allow him in your life, it won't end until he gets bored with it. 

Which is why he's leaving the door open.  He's not yet bored.  He's not yet ready to give it up.  But from my experience with these types of relationships, they're a road to nowhere.  A fundamentally dishonest relationship seldom, if ever, turns honest. 

[Cat of the Canals]

I agree with clara. He went out of his way to mention you to this acquaintance, and did so in a way that she felt compelled to tell you about it. That's not an accident. He probably knows you'll analyze it and puzzle over it, all the while wondering why he's ghosting you.

I suspect he enjoys knowing that he's occupying your mind (never mind if it's in a positive or negative way, to a PD I don't think it matters), and he's no doubt already thinking about the next time he'll swoop back in to make sure he's still got you on the hook.

[Dollydrops]

I didnt know how to react, I'm more angry than anything that he ignored a msg from me two weeks ago but thought it okay to do this. I was more concerned that she felt the need to launch into telling me bad points about him not knowing what kind of friendship he and I had   I thought it an odd thing to do since she has never spoken to him before  but wondered if it may be triangulation on his part. I feel like ive been prodded for a reaction but I won't react. I'm exhausted with it all. I'm not expecting him to swoop back in either. He's been slow fading since he got a new toy.

[pianissimo]

Additionally, it seems to me what he does is out of line. Apparently he hasn't committed to you, so he has no right to mention you to anybody else in a way that implies a relationship between the two of you.