Can a NPD individual be a spiritual individual?

[Wifeofnpdh]

Knowing that those with NPD believe they are always #1 and no one else is better/above them, can they really believe in and serve God? I am a Christian and have a strong relationship with God/Jesus, however being married to my NPDH, I find that even though my NPDH has been baptized and thus knows how he is supposed to treat me, per the Bible, he is not capable of doing so because he really is not accountable to God/Jesus.  Does this make sense?

[Poison Ivy]

I am not a religious person, but I believe generally in freedom of religion and of nonreligion. If people say they believe in God, I do not question their belief in God. However, I do sometimes question whether an individual's behavior correlates with the teachings and tenets of the person's religion.

For example, my former parents-in-law, both now deceased, were religious and said they believed in God. My late father-in-law also probably had a personality disorder. He did many things that I thought were mean. I'm sure he believed in God. But I also wondered why his religion, at least his understanding of his religion, accommodated the negative behavior that he often engaged in. Among other things, he did not honor his mother and his father; he stole things from work; he was envious of other people's lives.

I concluded that faith and religion are such personal issues that most people probably decide for themselves that whatever they are doing is acceptable or is not acceptable.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Welcome, Wifeofnpdh. I too am a Christian. Everyone is accountable to the Lord, whether they accept it or not. There is one Lord and one Judge.

Jesus had His harshest words for the Pharisees, those who deluded themselves into thinking they were holy and serving Yahweh, when in reality they were as opposed to Him as it was possible to be, so much so that they plotted His death. Hypocrisy is one of the most difficult sins to root out. Even Our Lord was mostly not able to convert them, with the exceptions of Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea. Hypocrisy is the root of personality disorders, which come from the preservation of the false self at any cost.

As I said, there is one Judge. He knows whether your husband is capable, or culpable, the sincerity of his belief, and all of his heart. You don't need to determine that. What you can and ought to judge is the affect on you and your FOC of what your husband does and says, and respond accordingly. As Poison Ivy rightly says, everyone will act according to his or her own conscience and understanding. But as we all know on this board, not every conscience is equally well-formed.

That's very broad, but I hope it's helpful.

[Wifeofnpdh]

Thank you both for reminding me that it is not really my responsibility to focus on my NPDH, rather on the right that I should be doing.

[Free2Bme]

My updxh of 20 years was an authority unto himself, this is antithetical to the faith he professed. 

IME, updxh wanted to be worshiped and feared as a god, he wanted to be my god.

Jeremiah 6:15 comes to mind.

[Boat Babe]

Being spritual can be defined in a number of ways, according to the religion one follows.

I would say that if a person acts unethically, you can throw the word spiritual straight out the window as far as they are concerned.

[Free2Bme]

 

[Cascade]

I think it might depend on how strong the NDP traits are. My husband has some NDP traits but he's not as extreme as some NDP people. He claims to be a Christian and he may be, but I've also had doubts about his authenticity. If someone was a strong Narcissist, I doubt they could be a genuine Christian.

[tragedy or hope]

This is really an interesting topic for me. I have wondered about the same for all of my married life once we started going to church. Mostly, I wondered how a man could treat others so differently than me when he was alone with me. Hence, I wondered if he were of any true faith.

I am still not sure. According to the bible I read, there should be some fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, meekness, self control. In my interpretation it says fruit not fruits. So, either he exhibits all or is not in the spirit. His choice. He prides himself on being one or two of the above but cannot do all even for a brief period.

Scripture also says we will know them by their fruits.

Any man desiring to be a leader in any capacity should be able to allow anyone to ask his wife about his behavior at home. This is where biblical commitment starts, imo.

If I or he cannot love my own in word and deed I have nothing to give those outside.
I am not perfect, but scripture also speaks of habitual sin. IMO again but if it is a pattern repeated with no real repentance... there is a spiritual issue.

These things are complex because of tradition that somehow men are leaders. No, scriptures says we are to submit one to another and men are to be servant-leaders, giving themselves up for their wives as Christ did the church.

None of the apostles were narcisists after they came to faith in Christ. In fact they were self abasing at times. NO pride, NO controlling behaviors, just warnings and encouragements about the soul and behaviors that are damaging.

Then there is king Nebuchadnezzar... the king who was given animal like features and behaviors until he learned the source of his totality was not him.
Pride comes before a fall and a haughty spirit before destruction, so says the bible.

I try to stay on my side of the street. I realize I was trying to be his holy spirit for years.
that is exhausting, does not work and I am usurping what God may want to do with him. Now... I try to see him like I am watching a movie, I can see where he is going and knd of the outcome but I keep quiet.

I think we won't really know until we get there. iHeaven. I think that would be safe to say about any and everybody we know. I know where I am going... that's all I can be sure of.

[Wifeofnpdh]

@Tragedy or Hope, you are right in my spiritual wheel-house, so I thank you for sharing this insight and took someone's advise and read "Living Successfully with Screwed Up People," which is by a Christian author and it has been soooo freeing and helpful!

[Dandelion]

In my experience, no.

Because they cannot accept a "higher power" or something bigger that themselves.  The underlying cynicism comes out, even if it only in dribs and drabs.

My NM used to subtley sneer or mock me for going to Church (she used "humour" so it was hard to say anything back without sounding as if I had no sense of humour and was over-sensitive).  If it were now, I'd say something pointed back, as it was really an under-the-radar dig. 

I've always been surprised to hear of those Narcissists who enveigle themselves somehow into a local, established local Church community.  Though I suspect they are usually temporary people who don't make much headway.

I did have a narcissistic friend (not full uNPD) who would say she was "spiritual, but not religious".  I think though she was not an insensitive person and maybe there was even a small element of truth.  But there could be no progress or spiritual development because of the underlying cynicism - in fact more likely the opposite, and her true understanding I believe was limited