Basic Question

Lauren17 · February 16, 2021, 07:47:38 PM

This is a silly question, but I'm stumped.
I would like to set up a personal bank account and credit card. But that requires an address. I'm planning on renting a PO Box, but that requires a credit card.
H 100% controls the finances, so I'm not able to use a shared card or our home address.
So, how to proceed?

IcedCoffee · February 16, 2021, 08:41:09 PM

Which country are you in?

Stillirise · February 16, 2021, 10:58:37 PM

If you are in the US, you can get a personal mailbox at a local UPS store. You get a physical mailing address, usually the address of the store, box#. I believe you can do the initial setup in cash. Banks in the US now typically require a physical address other than a PO Box for new accounts.

Free2Bme · February 17, 2021, 03:35:06 AM

Hi Lauren17,

I was in the same boat, the micromanaging of all things financial.

I used a trusted friends' address for the bank account & safety deposit box.

Weeks later, H arrived at home one day with the mail in his hand. He handed me something from the credit card company (same as new bank account). I about had a heart attack, somehow they had my real address . I told him it was just an advertisement.

I don't know how this happened, thankfully he was distracted in the moment.

I would also buy a loaded prepaid credit card and use it to pay for things without a paper trail. I felt terrible to be sneaking around at the time- but it was survival.

notrightinthehead · February 17, 2021, 04:12:55 AM

I used my work address as physical address.

Boat Babe · February 17, 2021, 04:39:22 AM

I live on a boat but use a friend's address for everything. Admittedly this isn't a personal security issue for me.

CagedBirdSinging · February 17, 2021, 06:22:39 AM

Hello, I would suggest contacting your bank to ask about this (you don't have to give your name - just explain your situation). Or another idea would be to contact your local domestic abuse agency - in my country there is a national helpline. They would certainly have experience of this situation and be able to advise you how to proceed.

Setting up your own account is such an important step. When I set up my own account, I knew I was on the road to freedom!

Lauren17 · February 17, 2021, 10:13:35 AM

Thank you all, for your suggestions. I have a friend who I think will let me use her address. I will give her a call.
I thought the UPS store required a credit card? I think I'll call and ask.
The money rules uBPDh has are strange. I can make 6 or 8 $20 purchases and he won't say a thing. But if I make one $100 purchase, we have to talk about it first. Fortunately, no questions are asked about my cash withdrawals. So I've been slowly building up a GTFO fund.

Lauren17 · February 17, 2021, 10:14:42 AM

Quote from: Boat Babe on February 17, 2021, 04:39:22 AM
I live on a boat but use a friend's address for everything. Admittedly this isn't a personal security issue for me.

Oh! Boat Babe!!
I get it. That's cute.

Associate of Daniel · February 17, 2021, 12:49:04 PM

This doesn't solve the problem and is perhaps irrelevant, but I think most places will accept debit cards rather than credit cards for purchases. I'd hope they'd do the same for setting up various accounts.

I personally don't have a credit card and never want to have one. My uNPD exH was a big spender and the trauma of receiving the monthly credit card bill remains with me still.

And the (imo) apalling ways banks use credit cards to (imo) extort money from customers does nothing to induce me to get one. But that's a whole other, irrelevant story.

In the nearly 8 and a half years since uNPD exH left I've never faced any difficulty for not having a credit card.

However, each person's financial situation is different and very personal to them and they should base their decisions upon their own circumstances.

All the best for working out this conundrum. How frustrating it must be for you.

AOD

ToAudrey · February 17, 2021, 01:25:23 PM

Would you be able to purchase a Visa gift card from the grocery store and use that like a credit card while you get the bank account established?

victoriousladyJj · February 19, 2021, 11:36:07 AM

I use USGlobalMail.com. Its a virtual mailbox. They collect your mail for you and will forward it to you wherever you want. You are given a physical street address from there warehouse. They scan an upload the mail and you can tell them to shred it, or open it and scan it for you or physically forward it to your physical address. Its really convenient.

Associate of Daniel · February 19, 2021, 01:17:53 PM

Lauren17, I hope you've managed to sort out this hurdle.

Do let us know how you go as I think there will be many on these boards who face a similar situation, who'd really benefit from the knowledge and know-how you gain as you sort it out.

All the best.

AOD

Lauren17 · February 20, 2021, 10:37:47 AM

Thank you all for your suggestions.
I will share my solution , but it may be a couple of weeks. DD and I are in quarantine, so no opportunity to make private phones calls or visit banks for a while.

Lauren17 · March 10, 2021, 10:34:03 AM

StillRise was correct. I was able to get a mailbox at the UPs store that gives me a street address. I paid in cash. However, I had to provide an address and phone number to rent the box.

Fortunately, I had asked a friend if I could use her address.
For the the bank account, I plan on opening with the friend's address and then switching over to the mailbox.
However, same friend begged me to contact an attorney before opening the Lauren-only account.
Free2Bme, thanks for your feedback. If anything comes in the mail at home, I'll just "assume" it's junk mail. We get so much of that anyhow.

JustKeepTrying · March 10, 2021, 10:25:56 PM

Lauren17,

I am glad that you found a solution to the banking address. I don't know if you are planning to leave, but when I left, I asked to speak to the bank manager, had them close the door and told them my situation. They knew exactly what to do and how to do it - this is in the US - and helped me work through the process. I was on short time frame of days/hours really and it did work out in the end. Amazing how people will stand up when needed.

Please contact an attorney. I was advised to move any money before I filed since all assets would be frozen at filing. I had arranged to move the money an hour before he was served papers. I only took enough to pay my expenses for six months and I then documented everything I spent until it was all final.

As for your own account, please read all the fine print. There are some accounts that require a spouse signature/some that don't. Make sure you have an account that he can't access.

As for cash, when you make a purchase, even the little ones, go 20 cash back. Hoard those 20's. they add up and will help pave the way. Or right now, make your life a little more independent.

Get a disposable cell phone. Don't use your own.

Finally, my xOCPDh had similar financial rules. He watched it like a hawk and I could rarely spend - even on groceries. And when I did, any purchase over $100 had to be reported to him. God forbid I go over it and he could do it any time he wanted. 32 years of financial abuse. I didn't know it was a thing but it is very real.

I hope this helps and doesn't scare you. You sound like a smart and savvy person and I hope it works out.