Saying no and pushback all around

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Saying no and pushback all around
« on: February 18, 2021, 12:44:01 AM »
I've taken on a new volunteer role, which is tremendously rewarding but also means I need to make more judgment calls and say no to people sometimes for the good of the group. It's been very good for me and is reducing my stress when I can recognise plays for sympathy or passive-aggressive behaviour etc, and just give a no.

My supervisor is a bit of a people-pleaser (I've seen her getting her buttons pushed by people) and is disagreeing with some of the calls I've made, where she would have said yes. I'm confident in my reasoning but starting to get stressed, feeling I might have to defend every decision. I'm starting to doubt myself, even though I can confirm my gut instinct is good.

I'm willing to walk if need be, as this role would be next to impossible without some decision-making power and support, as I work unsupervised. But it's the reaching of that point I'm a little nervous about - am I being too blunt with my nos? I really don't think so, and the thought of doubting my judgment feels like a huge step backwards in life. I know I can't move forward that way. But the pushback is hard to deal with, and is causing a lot of self-doubt - I suspect that's the purpose of it, really.

Any thoughts on how you know you're in the right, and how to express that?



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Re: Saying no and pushback all around
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2021, 04:03:36 AM »
If I understand you right, your self doubt stem from the fact that your supervisor has let you know that she would have decided differently in some instances.  As you think she is a people pleaser it might be possible to have an open discussion with her what she thinks you should have done and why and how you should handle similar situations in future.  That might clear the air and make you feel more secure in your decision.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.