Boundaries when you’re overwhelmed

[Kitbit]

One thing I find particularly hazardous is being vulnerable myself and feeling overwhelmed and still having to deal with the selfishness of the PD in my life. Usually I manage and do gray rock overall but in those moments it's hard and damage gets done to me and the relationship. Anyone been there? How do you cope? It's hard to be perfectly managed all of the time.

[1footouttadefog]

I at some point looked at time as territory. I decided to take back my life in 15-20 minute segments  of my day/week as if regaining terrotory in a war.

Taking time to sit at my desk akd check mail, mark calendar, go through mail.  Taking time to clean my purse and file reciepts. Time for a hot bath.  Time to mani/pedi.  Time to watch tv while ironing clothes or polishing shoes.

Separating myself from the pd and letting him self sooth or entertain himself was needed so my every moment was not consummed.  Having all of my brain time take  up with his choices of conversatiin, tv, music, etc etc was draining after so many years.
  Cleaning the bathrooms while listening to a book on tape was the most funny one.  I remember once that pD and both kids interupted me several times while cleaning a bathroom. I stopped and yanked the head phones off and hollared something like  "can't you all see I'm trying to have fun here, why can't you let me clean the toilet in peace"

Getting relaxation by doubling work/chores with mental relaxation or entertianment was useful.


Getting relaxation by doubling work/chores with mental relaxation or entertianment was useful.  It also bought me added time to get away and engage in social interactions and hobbies. 

Seeing how much every aspects of my life had been consumed by taking back bits of my day to day  and being strengthened  by such mafe it clear boundaries needed set.

I then started with bed time.  I went to bed earlier than to just sleep. Previously pd would repeatedly pester me with headline news, or questions about next days meals etc.   I set a hard boundary that this could not happen. I started asking if he needed to tell me anything before I headed downstairs and announcing I was off for the night.

I hope you can find some helpful places to set a boundary. 

[BettyGray]

One thing I find particularly hazardous is being vulnerable myself and feeling overwhelmed and still having to deal with the selfishness of the PD in my life.

Yes. This is a tough spot. You have to take measures to protect yourself, whether it is therapy, time alone, seeing friends or just leaving the room. PDs seem to sense when we are vulnerable. Hiding that vulnerability is exhausting. Sometimes we just fall apart. I am concerned for your mental health, though. Do you have someone to talk to you when you are feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable?

I at some point looked at time as territory. I decided to take back my life in 15-20 minute segments  of my day/week as if regaining terrotory in a war.

This is brilliant. Being in a relationship with a controlling person is totally exhausting. It is territory - your mental health needs its own space. It makes me very happy to read that you are doing things for yourself - just YOU. It is very rewarding and validating. And I love the toilet story.

[Kitbit]

Thanks for the replies I really, truly appreciate it. I do have someone to call now, who cares about me. What is missing is an understanding the dynamics of what is going on. Often the response is to just leave, which isn't really possible right now. Also sometimes I need to process what happened so I'm hoping to come here where others know about NPD etc. I really hope this place will be a support as I have found that in the past on another unrelated group for something else and it really helped having others responding who get it.