Ageing PD parents

[DuckStar]

Does anyone have any experience with ageing PD parents? My mother has an untreated HPD diagnosed 40 years ago. She seems to be getting worse but because I'm estranged from her (had to go NC 8 years ago) and hearing news secondhand I don't understand what psychological state she is in. Does HPD get better with old age?

[Sneezy]

There is a forum for dealing with aging PD parents and you may get some good answers there, as well.  The short answer to your question is "it depends."  Some PDs do get worse with age.  In particular, an aging histrionic can get very difficult and mean with age.  My HPD MIL saw herself as the perpetual homecoming queen.  Looks matter to her, way more than they matter to most people.  And so, as she got older and grayer and saggier (which happens to all of us, by the way), she got meaner and nastier.  She couldn't handle the fact that she was no longer the belle of the ball and men were no longer falling at her feet.  Her middle age and later middle age years were incredibly difficult for everyone around her.  Nowadays, though, she is 80 and having memory issues.  So she has transitioned to what can best be described as her "recluse phase."  She acts like she is some kind of aging movie star and she has withdrawn from society (meaning her family) and I'm sure she thinks we are all suffering without her constant presence.  It's actually a relief, of course, but that's not how she sees it.

[Andeza]

DH's grandmother, we suspect, is HPD. It's not getting any better with age! She's just ramping up with more melodrama. It's gotten to a point where we don't really engage. She's gone quite overboard with the pandemic particularly, and shaming people. I've never quite felt comfortable around her anyway, as I'm very much not dramatic, don't get worked up about things easily... Polar opposite under normal circumstances. Hubby is the same. Very calm, reserved person. We naturally avoid the conflict and drama.

[feelingandhealing]

In my experience, NPDs tend to get worse with age. My Mom is uNPD tho I also strongly suspect that she is uHPD. My Mom's behaviours are text book NPD and they have become worse as she had aged and it is one reason that I ended up going NC with her several months ago. Julie L. Hall writes a bit about aging narcissistic parents in her excellent book The Narcissist In Your Life.   DuckStar, you may want to consider using that book as a reference. Sending you plenty of positive energy to assist you along the way   

[Cat of the Canals]

My unBPD mother-in-law has definitely gotten worse with age. Once she "retired" (i.e. got fired again and decided to simply not get a new job even though she wasn't actually retirement age yet) she started demanding a lot more attention. When my husband's much younger sister graduated from high school and moved away, she ramped it up again. The less distractions she has, the more she starts acting like we're supposed to be on-call at all times to entertain her.