All the sticks that propped me up are knocked away

[SparkStillLit]

Long story...shorter....
Yesterday the YA did something really ill advised and completely out of character. Today she is back in the mental hospital.
Her husband is supporting her and standing by her though he cannot be with her.
Pdh yelled at her and said HORRIBLE things to her as she cried, I think she said a few things back. I just sat there and cried. I meant to add that I also thought "oh great two pds fighting" but tbh I don't know if she is really even a pd. This was over the phone, before hodpital.
Today I have "taken to my bed". I am overwhelmed and concerned by my own mental state. It's very bad. Mid morning pdh sat on my bed and started saying negative things about YA and overlapping his experiences. I asked him not to do this. He got snippy, backpedaled, told me anyone was well within their rights to say thus and thus, and got up and went away.
Later he came and asked if I was ok and patted my face and kissed my forehead, but when I did not answer, he said, "aww, you be a'wright" in a dismissive, "buck up" kind of tone, gave my shoulder some hearty pats, and has ignored me ever since.
I know I need to pick myself up, pick up my little sticks, and get on with it. It's....I'm wiped out.

[Poison Ivy]

Your situation sounds extremely stressful! My advice is to take care of yourself, including by staying in bed as long as you can.

[SparkStillLit]

He supposedly said all these things and threatened her into the hospital. I don't know what to believe. The things he supposedly said wouldn't be out of character, and he definitely isn't a reliable reporter and twists conversations, but does she do that, too?
He said she didn't want to go to hospital and he was using it against her. I just cried the whole time.

[tragedy or hope]

Spark, things sound horrible for you right now. One thing is for sure, things change.
Do what you need and can do for yourself right now. If you are not doing well; you first, so you can get better to help others. You have helped me a lot on this site and many here appreciate you.

Feelings are horrible sometimes, they are not facts. See if you can get a perspective on the simple facts first.

1. you feel terrible,

2. what has happened can't be erased, its done.

3. you need support, but who it's coming from is not helping.

4. you are capable, even good at finding a solution for yourself b/c you already know yourself well enough to stay in bed and allow your feelings to be real.

5. time will pass and YA may feel better soon. There is a 50/50 chance.

6. Pdh is now exposed to you as someone you have to work around, and can expect to be unpredictable.

You may be able to add much more. This exercise kind of helps me feel some power when things are horrible.

Treat yourself as you would a broken-hearted child.  Be tender with yourself.

Write write write. we care and we are here for you.

[SparkStillLit]

I feel like you guys must get sick of me with this near-constant drama.
Pdh said to me "this is an opportunity to take control as parents, and that's what we need to do."
He also said that YA was afraid of the hispital and he was using that against her.
I believe that he thinks that her superiors were not punishing her swiftly enough or harshly enough for her transgression, so he simply could not wait and took it upon himself to visit a punishment upon her. That is my belief. Or maybe it's a feeling.
He couldn't even let her superiors handle it however they saw fit.

[Poison Ivy]

I am not sick of you!

[SparkStillLit]

I'm jumping off your list, TorH

I can't do anything about the outcome of this.

I'm not in charge of how people manage their relationships or emotions.

I can only help myself, and I need to pick myself up and carry on.

Yes. I am disappointed, and I am very alarmed. More by him than YA. I keep trying to tell myself "he wouldn't..." but I think he did. I am not making any excuses for her behavior, but she could have been let alone to suffer whatever the natural consequences were, as happens to all people. He...did something sinister, I think.

I need to be smart. Not a silly rabbit. A smart fox. I know what my situation is, but I need to have teeth. I may be what the wolf cornered, but I want the wolf to get a bigass surprise if it comes for me.

[losingmyself]

Spark,
I knew it!
I knew you'd come out fighting!  I pray  you figure this out, and things settle down.
I don't have any advice, I just want you to know how many people are in that corner with you. 
I do think that trusting your gut is advisable, as far as finding out if he did do something sneaky, wrong. I wonder how you would find that out? 
Feel better, rest your brain and your heart.
No one is sick of the drama! That's what we're here for! You've been so much help to so many people, and it makes me so happy when I see that you've posted something to my questions, or my whiney-posts. I think it's in our nature to feel just a little bit like a bother asking for help or advice, we've just buried it for so long, and thought that our feelings don't matter. I know that often times, my mantra was "It's ok. It's just me.."
Please keep letting us know what's going on.
Smart Fox 

[SparkStillLit]

As to what he did, I think he coerced her into the hospital as punishment. I will never know the truth, but I think he told her to voluntarily go or he would tell her superiors she'd threatened her life. She didn't, and I don't know if that would have worked, but she thought it would. He spoke of her "finally submitting".
Now she is very very upset & angry. He says she "isn't taking responsibilty, and blaming everyone else" but he projects that all the time, and as I have so often said, he is an unreliable reporter of events, conversations, and everything else.
Even if someone is a pd or mentally ill, do you ever threaten and/or coerce them into the hospital? I shouldn't think so.

[SparkStillLit]

Omg what do I do??? YA asked me to call her superiors and please tell them the truth, that she was coerced in there. She wants out and to get a DBT therapist, not to get her meds increased in there and be shuttled along. She never threatened her life.

[SparkStillLit]

There's more (sorry). I told him she was really hurt by the fight. He had no remorse and said he wouldn't stand by and be blamed by her and let her cuss him. I said that a fight is 50/50. He said if he didn't take a stand that she wouldn't be in hospital, and he was tired of pussyfooting around and everything he said in the fight was true (she was destroying the family. She'd be lucky to still be married. He hoped they threw her in jail.) I think my jaw fell off my face. Then I said I didn't think she should be hospitalized for what she did, and he said well no but gave other vague justifications (none of which warranted immediate hospitalization). Then he said he was devastated by her actions, he made a vague emotional threat, and asked for space, after I said I wasn't entirely certain she belonged in hospital.

[SparkStillLit]

I have to say this. I'm getting increasingly weirded out at his behavior. Like coercing her into the hospital. I'm shocked at his not backing off about the fight. The fact that he cannot drive without some kind of "confrontation", or have a phone conversation either.
Apparently his whole pd family is also embroiled in some drama. (Like always)

[Rose1]

Sounds like a control thing.  Beating her into submission? I would respect your daughter's wishes and do what she asks. I also would tell them your h is mentally ill, coercive and basically threatened to lie about her.
And your d is afraid of him and could use some support.

The truth could do her a lot of good, letting her get caught up in the psych system will not.
Your h has big problems as you know and imo he probably belongs there instead of your d. He may know that.   

[Boat Babe]

This sounds like an awful situation. I don't fully understand the situation your daughter is in but I find the whole thing very concerning.  No-one (PD or not) should be hospitalized against their will, unless they are mentally unfit to make a sound judgement.

[losingmyself]

Spark, I second what Rose said.
She's an adult, and maybe the people your H spoke to should be made aware that he isn't a reliable source of information about her.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Still sending positive thoughts.

[SparkStillLit]

Now I'm a little bit scared of him. He really seems to be wobbling off center of a sudden.
My T straight up said I had to witness him abuse YA (I walked out) and be helpless to stop him without danger to me.
My gut is just all freaked out.
YA's husband is talking to her superiors.

[SparkStillLit]

Seperately from the updh/YA/hospital thing, YA is in a bunch of trouble for what she did. She will pay the consequences, and move on. Not my side of the street. (But I bet a butt cheek she never does anything dumbass like that again.)
I am sure updh will blow yet another gasket when he learns the consequences. He's all OVER the damn "street", and as I said he's really freaking me out.
My T and I talked about threatening behaviors, bug out bags, safe positioning, never fighting in kitchens, bathrooms, or in bed.
I don't think I am in direct danger, but I do think he is unstable. You always hear how people "snap".

[tragedy or hope]

I really like what Boat Babe contributed. No one deserves to be hospitalized against their will. Period.

No matter what YA did, she is lucid and aware enough to ask you to get her out.
What kind of a world would we be living in if someone else gets to choose our daily movements.

Even drug addicts and the mentally disordered are allowed to live on the streets at will.

There is something about PD's... do it their way or they will be hateful. A mothers love is different, but just as important. When a child begs for help...

Spark, you have equal "power" here to do what you think is right. Yes, consequences go to all of us for our actions.

Who needs you more? Who trusts you more? What are the consequences to you? You know pdh will be this way. When it all passes, will it affect your relationship with YA?

If I am hearing right.... I hear you saying... "this is my child." "my child."
I feel rage just thinking about one of mine suffering and asking for help and feeling helpless.

Take heart. No one will judge you here whatever you have to do to stay in balance. I pray.... so I will remember you and yours today.

[Lauren17]

Spark, I am so sorry you're facing this.
I have seen your strength and determination in other posts here and I know you'll emerge from this as well.
I'm glad to hear that you have support of a T. You also have the support of your Out of the FOG friends.
I don't want to send you advice today, just hugs. And a prayer.

[SparkStillLit]

Thanks everyone. I have talked to her. She actually chose to stay for the moment.
She had another horrible row with h and they are currently NC.
I am trying to take good care of me and leave everyone, including me, on their own side of the street.