counselling question

[Jolie40]

lots of posts on Out of the FOG recommend counselling

out of curiousity, I looked up counsellors in our area & they're $175-200/session
how does anyone afford to go to counsellors long enough to make a difference?

[BeautifulCrazy]

If the relationship you left was traumatic or abusive, maybe you can get your therapy subsidized through a local women's or mental health organization?

[BeautifulCrazy]

There was absolutely no way I could afford therapy.
I got a referral to a doctor specializing in relational trauma and C-PTSD through the women's dv shelter when I left my children's father. I also got into group therapy for women who have survived trauma or abuse through a local mental health organization.

[GettingOOTF]

In the beginning when I was earning less I cut out other things to afford therapy (cable that etc.)  Once I left my ex I had more money.

I know those prices are out of reach for some though, even with cuts. Most cities have low cost therapy options through various organizations. I'd start with women's groups. You can also ask a therapist if they can work with you less frequently. Really a therapist doesn't do anything we can't do ourselves. The issue is that the work is very hard and painful. Most of us are not able to look at ourselves and our behaviors clearly. On top of therapy I did a lot do self work - reading, work books etc. my therapist really just kept me on track. I stopped last year mainly for the money as I was going 3-4 times a month and I felt like I was in "maintenance" mode.

It is totally possible to heal without therapy. A therapist simply makes it a little easier. Now there is just so much information on the internet and people are much more open about these issues. When I started my journey I'd never heard of a lot do the stuff I see people casually posting about on Instagram. You only found this stuff out from therapists. Now I'm working on healing/inner child stuff and I'm finding so many resources.

[Hepatica]

I was fortunate that my employee benefits package has counselling/therapy coverage for 10 sessions. I tend to fall apart in the fall, so I focus on the therapy then and we did every two weeks rather than once a week. I chose a therapist who has training in relational trauma and C-PTSD. I think it's important to ask that, but I also think a very empathetic therapist who listens well and reflects works really well.

I think there are so many amazing therapeutic books now that you can get used or for a fairly decent cost, or even from a library. I am sure that Women's Shelters have libraries and loan out books and can give some good advice on what are good ones.

The last thing that helped me was Al-Anon. Even though I didn't have direct alcoholic in my situation, my mother has addiction issues, including addiction to anger and rage, and my father does as well. I found out that my grandfather was an alcoholic so I went to Al-Anon and it is by donation. The support and love in a good Al-Anon group is very healing.

[SparkStillLit]

Updh doesn't work, and my therapist offers sliding scale fees. It's still pricey at &75 but I go once a month. Plus books, and I'm looking into Al Anon.

[GettingOOTF]

I follow a lot of the al-anon principles. My personal view is that anyone who is in a PD relationship has some kind of codependency. Working on my codependency was the single biggest thing that helped me. It opened me up to the possibility that the way I was living wasn't ideal. It opened me up to the possibility that I had some responsibility in how/where/with whom I chose to spend my time. It really was the foundation for all of my healing. It's also what I worked on the least with my therapist.

[Stillirise]

I've been in a position to afford therapy, and have actually gone for long stretches of time, at various points in my life. I'm not saying it was a waste of time and money, but I will say that landing here, following the toolbox, and reading the recommended resources, has helped my personal growth, and my coping skills, more than any other single thing I've done. 

I'm currently not in therapy, because my last therapist seemed to offer up not much more than short platitudes, that I can read on Instagram, for free.  I've been reading and participating here, journaling, both in stream of consciousness form, and using prompts, reading/listening to other resources, and engaging with trusted friends.  I feel like it's all working for me, for now.  I've sort of moved on from the stbxUPDh for the time being, and am doing lots of work around my childhood, and codependent issues.  There's not one best way to heal.  Therapy can be helpful, for sure, but I wouldn't say it's necessary for every person's healing.  If you do find some low-cost or free resources out there, as others here have already recommended, by all means take advantage of those.  Otherwise, trust your gut, and keep working toward what makes you feel safe, secure and whole.   Best wishes to you!

[JustKeepTrying]

I went to five counselors before I found one that worked for me.  The one that worked is specifically trained for PTSD and uses EMDR therapy technique.  For the first time in 30 years I found relief.  I wish I had pursued it harder earlier on and I would avoided a great deal of pain. 

As for the cost, I drove an hour to see her because she was in my health insurance plan.  Most plans here in the us have a mental benefit.  And it is increasing because there is now recognition that mental health is health. 

But I would have paid the full price for the benefit of it.  She has changed my life in countless ways - I no longer have seizures or bouts of aphasia due to the therapy.  Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with anxiety, depression and all that goes with it.  But therapy was the right move for me.

Give it a couple sessions.  If it doesn't click, then go elsewhere until it does.  The right therapist can change your life,  It did mine.

[Free2Bme]

Hi Jollie,

I'm not sure if you are in the US but, In my city there are many therapists that offer a sliding scale, I found some on Psychology Today.

Some churches offer counseling with licensed therapists (some are retired) for a reduced rate, and offered to general public (don't have to be a member). 

You also might check if there is a Jewish community center in your area.  This was suggested to me by my attorney and other folks that have used their professional counseling services, cost is income based.  (you do not have to be Jewish).

I signed up for government healthcare after divorce, the mental health benefits are really good.  That's the only way I can afford T.

Best of luck to you 

[Boat Babe]

I follow a lot of the al-anon principles. My personal view is that anyone who is in a PD relationship has some kind of codependency. Working on my codependency was the single biggest thing that helped me. It opened me up to the possibility that the way I was living wasn't ideal. It opened me up to the possibility that I had some responsibility in how/where/with whom I chose to spend my time. It really was the foundation for all of my healing. It's also what I worked on the least with my therapist.

This is so spot on. As I came out of my own FOG I started to see my own co-dependancy. How I have acted over the years to "secure" love. Oh,  the waste of my time and the missed opportunities at best and the relationships with two PDs and an addict at worst.  Yup.

So, with this revelation I carry on with my life and slowly turn this thing around.  Thank you to everyone here for being part of this process. ❤️❤️❤️

[Amadahy]

I had a friend who was helped online with a program called betterhelp.  I think they have much lower rates per hour and perhaps can work with people on pricing.

Also, although I haven't tried, I know people who have been helped by "The Crappy Childhood Fairy," Anna Runkle. Look her up on youtube. 

I could (barely) afford therapy with insurance, but my therapist was oh-so-worth it!  However, she relocated and the person who replaced her was really inept.  I'm feeling that loss, keenly.  That said, this website, the toolbox, and the support here have been invaluable in my healing, so I hope you find that, too! 

[Jolie40]

thanks so much everyone for your replies!



"crappy childhood fairy" I will look up

at a parenting class (precovid), was given a counsellor name which I kept
our child is interested in doing some counselling (stressed sometimes)
wouldn't you know the counsellor retired

[AlisonWonder]

Once a month is much more affordable, and because you know it is there up ahead, it steadies you.  You are thinking of what you will say next time, which is kind of therapeutic in itself.  Gives a feeling of support.

EMDR on youtube   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5D03LP7SKA    is only 3 mins long but is also v good.