At a complete loss

[accidentialpatriarch]

About 24 hours ago my wife of 17 years decided to end things.  I really didn't see this coming.  Sure we were having a low moment in our relationship but we've had highs and lows before, relationships are not perfect.  Just thought we'd get through this and be back on a high.  Our lows were few and far between as well. 

She just said she's grown spiritually and I have not and she's on a different level than me and lost her connection.  Doesn't see it coming back.  She wants space to explore where her journey will take her. 

I guess that journey just doesn't have room for two.  Sad thing is I encouraged her to explore this.  Over the last year or so as well.  Happy wife is a happy life right?
 

Never thought I was planting the seeds for my own lose. 

Heartbreaking doesn't begin to describe it.

To love and want someone who no longer returns the feeling after planning to grow old with her is a pain I would not wish on any one.

I've suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.  I waited too long to get help and I guess I asked too much of her to be the light in my life for this long.

I just didn't know we were in a race to the top of some spiritual awaking mountain, you know?  I thought we were on a walk to the finish line of life together.

Jokes on me I guess.

I'm going to miss everything about her and us.  I'm going to miss being at the house with our son.

Anyway just had to put this out there somewhere.  No idea if anyone will see this.  But thanks for listening if so.

[IcedCoffee]

accidentialpatriarch, This is going to be a painful time for you. I sympathize and empathize. I'm actually about eight months ahead of you. Same situation, ups and downs, and then the decision to end it. Twenty years in my case.

This is what I went though:

I found good online courses and books that help save marriages, even when only one side wants it saved! I don't know whether I'm allowed to mention any here(?). And this stabilized things almost immediately.

But then I realized that my wife had a personality disorder, uBPD. (Or rather I remembered thinking this ten years ago!) That rather changed things. I'd luckily hit on some techniques thanks to the above courses and books that are actually useful in a PD situation. (See the ToolBox here.)

So I'm now stable, in a weird limbo, not even knowing what I want now.

Do you know if your wife has a PD? Or is it something else?

Oh, and therapy and medication for me!

[AlisonWonder]

I am sorry to hear you are going through this, I remember how it felt for me. I'm told true enlightenment does not make you
dump your partner.  This is a reminder for me, as well, because when I get upset with my current partner I usually still believe that I am "spiritual" but I am actually not.

I wish I had something to recommend to you,  I just hope you find a truth that your partner has not.