Revenge Porn and public shaming

[Maz]

I just wanted to get peoples thoughts as to narcissist abuse and revenge porn and public shaming. It seems to be a common theme of the narcissist that they use sexuality to victimise someone.

Has anyone experienced this or noticed this?

[JollyJazz]

Hi Max,
I don't know that much about revenge porn, other than that I think it's a horrendous thing to do to someone, and I'm glad it's a crime now.

But I definitely think there's a pattern of sexual shaming with narcissists. They usually make the most of double standards (if male) and rampantly shame women as a means of control and to feel superior. But female narcissists will do this too. Also shaming of any kind of 'different' sexuality, like picking on gay people...

The narcissist of course (male or female) can do whatever they want.

When I was just a very young little teenager, just getting my period my mother would sexually shame me (not that I had a romantic life, or would have for a very long time). She would also criticise my body. I was too scared to date even after leaving home for a long time, and honestly, even now I struggle with dating a bit, from years of having to cut off that part of myself. To just be a little nun like worker bee that ran around doing unpaid care work for my parents and being everyone's emotional punching bag.

I think sexual shaming is horrible because so many people feel shame about their sexuality anyway, narcissists love to project their shame on to others.

[Maz]

Hi Jollyjazz,

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

I can relate to some of what your saying regarding the shame around being really young and periods. My mother did this too. As a woman it is so so damaging. I was told that periods were dirty in some way.

Also with the accusations around sexuality and shame as a really young teenager. I was accused of being sexually active by my mother. This was in no way true, I had no idea about sex in any way until I way way way older.

This is a trigger for me now as an adult as it's an easy insult to a woman.  Insulting someone's sexuality or shaming them for a perceived way of being. Even when it's not necessarily true it's just another way of belittling someone.

[JollyJazz]

It is truly bizarre to sexually shame a young teenager. I never even kissed a guy until so much later in life. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that kind of horribleness from your mother too. I'm sure it was her own shame about her sexuality that she tried to plonk on you, despite you just being a child!

It's especially cruel for a young person coming to terms with puberty etc. Really disgraceful for a parent to abuse a child like that. It's basically sexual harassment as well as emotional abuse.

But at the end of the day narcissists only care about their own feelings, if venting and abusing their own child makes them feel better, they will do it.

Just know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Going through puberty is not shameful. Sexuality is natural and not a shameful thing. But emotional abuse of children is a shameful thing

[Maz]

It really is. I think narcissistic men when a relationship breaks down or they have a perceived rejection often show this type of behaviour. Just from personal experiences along with issues from childhood it can really affect a persons self image.

[JollyJazz]

Hi Max,

I'm sorry to hear that you went through that 😔 they are the ones that should feel ashamed of abuse though.