Couple friendships started by PD

[Mary]

I am learning to keep my friendships under the radar. However, at times my uPDh initiates friendships with other families and involves our kids and me. If the friendship gets close, it is just a matter of time before he will find fault with them, and cut them off in an embarrassing and hurtful way. Should I prepare them at the outset for what will happen?

[notrightinthehead]

I would not. In my experience people tend to believe what they want to believe and choose to make their experiences themselves.  What I might consider is,  to be open about h's behaviour patterns,  mention that he is changeable or can be strange sometimes, when the opportunity arises.  I used to make excuses for my h's behaviour or tried to cover it up,  I now consider that a mistake. I should have let him show himself as he is, without trying to soften the blow for others, then they would have known what they needed to know sooner. Good luck! and let us know the outcome of whatever you choose to do.

[Cascade]

We've been married for over 25 years and have never had a couple we've been close friends with. My husband doesn't keep friends for long either. If the friendship you get pulled into is one you'd like to keep, you may want to hint something.

[tragedy or hope]

I prefer for unpdh to NOT pick who I will spend time with. I have drawn a line in the sand in the last several years... his friends are NOT my friends. An occasional meet up is okay but they are NOT family (which he tries to accomplish way too quickly). He has boundary issues. He gets involved with very peculiar people, and I am not willing to do the gymnastics needed to develop a relationship with people seeming not trustworthy.

It is kind of hard. but I am now free of a certain amount of anxiety.. He still tries to get me involved but I have to remind him. I will choose my friends, they do not need to be provided for me. I tell him I have spent decades being with people I did not want to be with, I will not spend the rest of my life doing the same.

Most couples relationships work when the women can connect, and the men get along. This is my experience. I am not the only one who sees it this way.

When it works for me it usually will work for him since women need a deeper kind of connection of trust, interest etc. and the men find common interests or whatever.

[GentleSoul]

My experience was that it was better to let people realise for themselves about uPDH than me to try and "warn" them.   That just made me look strange or maybe even like I was nasty.