Mr. Unapologetic

[PinkButterfly]

Hi all! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. It has been a rollercoaster ride mainly due to disrespect, lack of communication, and him just being mean. I'm writing because its difficult to deal with his unapologetic ways. A few days after Christmas we had an argument and to make a long story short he said "thats why I normally don't date women like you with no kids and all because you don't know how to treat people." Then stormed out. Well I can't have kids for medical reasons because i had to have a hysterectomy. He knew this from day one. He has 2 kids so having kids was not the issue.  I wanted kids however my choice was taken from me. I am far from selfish as he implied with his statement i just think he wanted to say something purposely to hurt me because i called him out on his disrespectfulness I have done more for him than he's done for me because if i ask for something i feel like i have to beg. I think he has a lack of respect for women because he grew up in foster care so maybe he feels his mom abandoned him and therefore all women will abandon him so he has made himself emotionally absent in his adult life. I have always showed him loyalty and done things to show i care just to try to show him love.  Its almost march and i still haven't gotten over his statement. He has never apologized. I speak to his sister often. He admitted to his sister he was wrong and she told him he was out of line but never once did he apologize or talk to me about it and its eating me up. I am so resentful towards him now. He is an unapologetic person. I don't know but maybe he thinks sex is his way of apologizing but i just don't know how to forget about this to me its like being cruel to someone because they had a health issue out of their control. I personally would not be able to live with myself if i'd said something so cruel.  Sometimes i think he's jealous of me because i was raised by my parents! They've been nothing but nice to him making sure they include him at Christmas and everything they can do. How can he admit the wrong to his sister but never say it to me?

[notrightinthehead]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  I would listen to my feelings. You feel disrespected. You feel ill treated. You feel hurt.  Surely this cannot be how love is supposed to feel like.
A kind and loving person would not treat his lover that way. No matter what happened. And a mature person would take responsibility for their actions and apologize if they had done something wrong.
Now it is up to you to decide what kind of treatment you allow. Remember - you cannot change the others behaviour, you can only change your response to it.

[PinkButterfly]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  I would listen to my feelings. You feel disrespected. You feel ill treated. You feel hurt.  Surely this cannot be how love is supposed to feel like.
A kind and loving person would not treat his lover that way. No matter what happened. And a mature person would take responsibility for their actions and apologize if they had done something wrong.
Now it is up to you to decide what kind of treatment you allow. Remember - you cannot change the others behaviour, you can only change your response to it.

Thanks for your response

[Areuth]

Please take a look at how he is treating you with your blinders off. do you want to be treated like this the rest of your life? He's not going to change or get better. He's not going to have some light come on in him realize how awful he's been to you. It's only going to get worse no matter what you do. He is the only one who can change his behavior it doesn't matter if you act like an angel sent right from heaven to him he will treat you just the same. It's amazing that you hear him apologizing anywhere to anyone. It's just not part of that a loving relationship should ever be is too be waiting and waiting to be shown a decent kindness. I have been married 46 years and I'm now separated. My husband showed red flags from the start and although he was kind and good in many ways he was able to compartmentalize himself with most of the good for friends and acquaintances and the bad for his family. Think about being with him that many years and waking up and realizing you have wasted your kindness and love on someone who can't give it back to you ever. It's a very long time.