Just Joined

[Cosmo]

I've been lurking and reading posts on this forum for years, and I'm finally stepping in. This forum—and its caring members—help a lot of folks who probably never reveal themselves, and I was one of them for quite a while.

Last week, I decided to go NC with my BPD mother. It's the second time I have done this; the first was several years ago, and I maintained that until last spring. Getting back in touch seemed okay at first, but things began to devolve, with my mother beginning to hurl abuse via phone call and text. Maybe it's all the therapy, or perhaps she was in rare form, but the intensity of her rage felt so immediately unhealthy and wrong for me. I had a very difficult time disconnecting, though, and it felt like such a regression, with all of the guilt and shame, and the negative influence of my mother's presence on my primary relationship with my husband.

I'm seeing how hard it is for me to trust anyone besides my husband and a couple of very close friends. And my dogs. That has been the case my whole life, but it feels like I'm just now getting to the point where I'm able to try and address it.

This feels like the right space to connect with others who have had experiences like mine, to join in the healing process more actively, and to feel less victimized by the guilt that I'll need to navigate in the months ahead. Our situations can make us feel so terribly alone, especially when we perceive others as having functional relationships with their families, which I tend to do. Thank you for reading and for being here. 

[Starboard Song]

This feels like the right space to connect with others who have had experiences like mine, to join in the healing process more actively, and to feel less victimized by the guilt that I'll need to navigate in the months ahead. Our situations can make us feel so terribly alone, especially when we perceive others as having functional relationships with their families, which I tend to do.

1. This is the right place.
2. You are not alone.
3. You deserve to trust many many people in your life.

Welcome to Out of the FOG. I am glad you are here. My own family is now pushing well past 5 years NC with my in-laws. It was a forced move. And it was the right and decent and loving thing for us to do in the circumstances. We simply had to preserve our peace so that we could thrive, both for ourselves and for those who rely on us. Protecting yourself and allowing yourself to thrive is an act of love and decency, not selfishness.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this again. I am so glad you sound strong and ready to deal with it. We are here with you.

Welcome.

[Cosmo]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and for sharing some of your story. What kind, thoughtful words, too! It can be so difficult to remember that self care is not a selfish act. Sometimes, I have to pretend that my experiences are happening to another person, so that I can recalibrate what I consider appropriate treatment.

I have been part of recovery-style groups in the past, and one of the great things there can be the experience of community. I had stepped away from some of that before COVID, and this last year has, of course, been isolating in so many ways. It's such a comfort to be reminded that I am in good company. Thank you.

[SunnyMeadow]

Hi Cosmo! I'm glad you're here. I've been here for years and have received so much knowledge and advice to deal with my uNPD mother. She's a handful and just when I think she's getting into a decent and calm space, BAM she whips out some drama and chaos.

We all get it and can commiserate with you. When I got here I was truly amazed to find people who had similar experiences to  mine. I look forward to your posts.