unable to distinguish between PD behavior and not PD behavior apparently

[OddFamily]

So I was talking with one of my friends, her mom is around the same age as my grandma, she was telling me she was concerned that her mom is slowing down, she was saying her mom was telling her brother "You should visit me soon, I'm afraid I won't recognize you much longer."  I said "Wow, guilt trip much?"  She said it wasn't a guilt trip, but from my experience with my grandmother I hear that as nothing but one.
Apparently I can't distinguish between PD behavior and not PD behavior.  Does anyone have ideas of how to not put my foot in it? 

[SunnyMeadow]

Not surprising since PD behavior is all we know. Don't beat yourself up about it. If your friend knows your background I'm sure she understands your reply. I hear a guilt trip too.

My new phrase for dealing with just about anything is, "oh that's a shame" or something similar. I was talking with a neighbor and I used this phrase instead of what I wanted to say and holy cow, it's a good thing! What I wanted to say would have sounded awful after she finished her next few sentences. I started using this reply and "yes, you could be right" or "oh, I didn't know that" with my uNPDmother . Very neutral replies that keep me from saying are you batsh*t crazy? or stop being such a mean ____.

[OddFamily]

That's a good one.  I've detailed the behaviors to her, but not beyond that.  I'll need to start using that as my friend is a gentle soul in a good way (she looks after all her patients and staff as if they were her kids) and I don't want to put my foot in it. 

[Hilltop]

I wouldn't feel bad, we are use to our parents behaviour being one way but for other people it's different.  Is her mother suffering early signs of dementia and that's why her comment was on forgetting what he looks like?  When your friend said she is slowing down did she mean cognitive decline?

I feel like for really old people they are more aware of their limited time and so its a genuine concern for them.  If your friends mom has not been PD and has been really warm and loving in a genuine way for most of her life, I think its understandable that your friend would take this comment differently to how you see it.  It may be a guilt trip but a harmless one or it could be her expressing some concern over a very real cognitive decline/dementia.

When you have a family that uses guilt as a tool for their entire life, its a different story.  I would just come up with neutral phrases but I'm sure your friend understands.

[OddFamily]

Hilltop, yes, suspected cognitive impairment of some type. 
I don't want to put my foot in it with her especially because she's such a great friend, so I guess will stick with something more neutral going forward.   
She doesn't know the full story of what's going on, just the more factual recent parts, when I'm talking about someone else I stick to the facts as a matter of policy.  Sets me apart as the environments I work in can make people revert to preschool behavior.