Silent since 2019

[Pepin]

I have been NC with NF for many years now....since 2007, I think.  Every single year, he tried to break the NC through every method one can think of except for showing up on my doorstep.  I do not have him blocked on email; his emails are filtered into a special folder just for him.  I save everything just so that I have documentation of his abuse.

He has been silent since 2019!  While I have made lots of strides in healing during the last few years, it has been that complete silence since 2019 that has really been a huge step for me.  Yes, he is very old now....and perhaps he has finally given up.  Which is great.  Because in reality he died many years ago for me.  And, he has had a pattern of betrayal over the years, starting when I was very young.  He just didn't want to parent and was very angry and abusive when he realized that he had to do it.  We were in his way.  Maybe he is enjoying these last remaining years of his life finally having what he couldn't have: no kids. 

[Pepin]

I just jinxed myself.   

[DistanceNotDefense]

I just jinxed myself.   

Oh no! Do tell....

No rest for the weary....

[Pepin]

I just jinxed myself.   

Oh no! Do tell....

No rest for the weary....

Ugh.....by USPS.  Prior to that it had been email in 2019.  I am really disappointed.  He doesn't even have my address but figured it out a few years ago.  I have googled myself and I cannot find my address info.  I have already removed myself from various sites so no doubt he paid to find my address.  Absolute stalking behavior. 

[Fiasco]

Wow Pepin, your spidey-senses are on point though. You just knew it was notable that it had been so long...

[Pepin]

Wow Pepin, your spidey-senses are on point though. You just knew it was notable that it had been so long...

Yes....my senses come from monitoring patterns.  As much as I know I should not, I do keep tabs on NF.  It is impossible to write him off until he dies and yeah, I live in a place of vigilance.  I have to.  While he seems unpredictable, he is actually very predictable.  It has taken every ounce of strength I have not to respond.  I want to HURT him with my words but I know that whatever I say will fall on deaf ears and make me look bad.  In addition, it would be an act of breaking no contact.  I will continue to remain silent in hopes that it keeps him irrelevant and hopefully uncomfortable....after all, this is how he treated me for my entire life.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Awww man! That's a bummer, Pepin. I think I can relate somewhat. I don't keep tabs on my FOO but I still feel that vigilance. And I doubt it's going away.

If it's safe for you to share, how were you able to tell it was about that time?

[Pepin]

Awww man! That's a bummer, Pepin. I think I can relate somewhat. I don't keep tabs on my FOO but I still feel that vigilance. And I doubt it's going away.

If it's safe for you to share, how were you able to tell it was about that time?

Many of us here have shared that holidays and birthdays are the times when PDs ramp up their games.  It was my upcoming birthday that triggered the thought.  Last year was radio silent.  But not this year for whatever reason....There are also other events during the year when NF has negatively made his presence known with an unwanted attack. 

What I find frustrating about these kinds of stalking events is that on their own, they seem harmless.  They seem thoughtful and caring.  But, they are anything but that.  When presented all together along with their sordid history, they paint the picture of a very disturbed an unhinged individual.  Regular people don't understand this because they don't have the attention span or the context to get it. 

The poor mailman must have been so confused when I got all anxious and asked him to read to me the sender info before I agreed to sign.  And at first I said no.  And then I reconsidered because the last time I did this, it was all sent back to NF who unleashed his vitriol through a group email (which I documented).  He proceeded to send everything to someone else and they forwarded it to me.  UGH!  Either way, I was forced to receive what NF wanted me to have.  *sigh*  I hate having to be silent but I have no other choice at the moment.  I refuse to let myself become unhinged and have the tables turn making me look like the freak show.

[Tried2bZen]

 "Either way, I was forced to receive what NF wanted me to have.

You already going to know this, but after such receipt, it can help to hear it from the group:

You don't really receive it, unless you open it. Maybe consider having a trusted person screen it for you or even dump it unopened.

[JustKathy]

Oh no Pepin! I just started a thread that's almost identical. Same thing, a sudden card after three years. Like you, I thought he had given up because of his advanced age. Also like you, I never gave him my address, which pisses me off even more because I know he got it using unscrupulous methods.

It is impossible to write him off until he dies and yeah, I live in a place of vigilance.  I have to.  While he seems unpredictable, he is actually very predictable.  It has taken every ounce of strength I have not to respond.  I want to HURT him with my words but I know that whatever I say will fall on deaf ears and make me look bad.  In addition, it would be an act of breaking no contact.  I will continue to remain silent in hopes that it keeps him irrelevant and hopefully uncomfortable....after all, this is how he treated me for my entire life.

Yes! All of that! I've also been very tempted to respond but I know it would be about as productive as talking to the wall. So no, can't do it, won't do it.

Ugh, I'm so sorry this happened to you too. Sending hugs your way....