Here we go again

[Pepin]

I have this gut feeling that fallen GC sibling is going through something again - or has an unresolved bone to pick with me, the SG that made the first escape from home.  This results in a form of silent treatment.  It makes me feel like I have done something wrong (I haven't) and that I am somehow failing this sibling.  it is also possible that jealousy is rearing its head again - which I totally understand is one of their biggest hurdles to overcome as a fallen GC.  These feelings of jealousy were not present when we were younger as the GC had full attention for years.  Everything they did was praised and noticed.   

I feel like I should reach out but don't know what questions to ask.

[guitarman]

It's OK to look after yourself and put your needs first. That maybe by not having contact with your sister.

It's quite normal to feel that you should be back in contact and feeling guilty about that. I am going through a similar situation. I think about the worst times then I calmly say to myself that I don't want to put myself back in that situation ever again. I realise now that my sister is never going to change and that I can't change her. I feel compassion, caring and love towards her. I can send my best wishes from afar, I don't have to be in contact with her.

I know I am a kind, loving, generous person. I have to be kind, loving and generous to myself. My inner child is screaming at me telling me that I'm not and that I am being cruel by not contacting my sister. My adult voice is calmly telling me that I've already done enough and that if I contact her I will end up being hurt yet again. I calmly and assertively say to my inner child "Thank you for your input but I am in charge of you, you are not in charge of me". That helps to quieten the critical voice.

If we have been subjected to constant abuse over a long period of time we can get used to it. It all becomes so normal. We can't get used to the quiet if we have gone no contact with our abuser. The quiet doesn't feel normal, when of course it should do.

This is all about building your self esteem. Gradually over time, however long it takes, things will get better for you. Write down all your good qualities. Praise yourself for what you have achieved. Write down things that your friends like about you. List all the things that you like to do and are interested in. You could then write some positive affirmations and calmly talk them out loud to yourself. Tell yourself what to do. You know what to do to look after yourself.

Perhaps you could begin by saying to yourself what you have attached to your posts...

"No PD is going to tell me what to do".

"People who don't bring you joy, let them go".

It's what I'm going to say to myself from now on. So thank you.

[Pepin]

It's OK to look after yourself and put your needs first. That maybe by not having contact with your sister.

It's quite normal to feel that you should be back in contact and feeling guilty about that. I am going through a similar situation. I think about the worst times then I calmly say to myself that I don't want to put myself back in that situation ever again. I realise now that my sister is never going to change and that I can't change her. I feel compassion, caring and love towards her. I can send my best wishes from afar, I don't have to be in contact with her.

I know I am a kind, loving, generous person. I have to be kind, loving and generous to myself. My inner child is screaming at me telling me that I'm not and that I am being cruel by not contacting my sister. My adult voice is calmly telling me that I've already done enough and that if I contact her I will end up being hurt yet again. I calmly and assertively say to my inner child "Thank you for your input but I am in charge of you, you are not in charge of me". That helps to quieten the critical voice.

If we have been subjected to constant abuse over a long period of time we can get used to it. It all becomes so normal. We can't get used to the quiet if we have gone no contact with our abuser. The quiet doesn't feel normal, when of course it should do.

This is all about building your self esteem. Gradually over time, however long it takes, things will get better for you. Write down all your good qualities. Praise yourself for what you have achieved. Write down things that your friends like about you. List all the things that you like to do and are interested in. You could then write some positive affirmations and calmly talk them out loud to yourself. Tell yourself what to do. You know what to do to look after yourself.

Perhaps you could begin by saying to yourself what you have attached to your posts...

"No PD is going to tell me what to do".

"People who don't bring you joy, let them go".

It's what I'm going to say to myself from now on. So thank you.

You are right.  I do need to remind myself of my boundaries.  I really struggle with ST though.  NF used to do this to us all the time so for a sibling to do the same - even though we all went NC with NF despite our experiences - is too much to deal with.  It makes me really sad.  Really sad.  Yeah, we have been through a lot together but wore different hats in the process.  I guess I shouldn't expect the fallen GC to see it through the my eyes as the SG and me being able to see it through their lens either.