Avoidant

[Lauren17]

Wasn't sure whether to post this here or on the divorcing board.
Does anyone has experience co-parenting with someone who displays avoidant behaviors?
uBPDh works long hours during the week and watches tv all weekend. I've been watching and he usually spends 30-45 minutes a day with DD and rarely has an honest conversation with her.
I'm trying to guess how he might respond to parenting plans and visitation schedules. I know that every situation is different. I can't control his responses. But maybe I can anticipate and be ready to deflect.

[Penny Lane]

My DH's uNPDexw has a lot of avoidant tendencies. I don't know what she was like when they were married but here's what I've seen.

When they're in court, she gets very involved in the kids. It's not actually that great. She demands that they be signed up for certain activities that are not the activities that they want to do. She sends a LOT of emails to teachers (often aggressively). Etc.

Then once court is over she's back to not engaging. Won't even respond about activities. Doesn't show up to parent-teacher conferences. You get the picture. It's whiplash.

One thing we see a lot is the PD parent making a push to have more parenting time in order to pay less child support. And then they either don't exercise that parenting time or (in my BM's case) they aren't actually with the kids - they get sitters or leave the kids with grandparents or whatever.

My hope for you would be that you can use the avoidance to your advantage during the divorce. If he really wants to avoid court, and you put forth a basically fair offer, maybe there'll be a situation where it's less work for him to agree to the offer than to prepare for a hearing or trial.

Good luck, it is not easy but your life will be so much better after!

[Poison Ivy]

My ex-husband has long been avoidant about communication. But once he's in contact (e.g., by phone, in person, on Facebook), he is usually very engaged or even overengaged. My challenges have been to figure out how to convey information and initiate conversations. Our children are adults, and we are to the point that we (children and me) occasionally discuss the frustrations of their dad's behavior.