Great video that explains a lot about our role as family scapegoat.

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Patrick Teahan has some great clips on YouTube. This one uses the concept of the Karpman Drama Triangle to explain how the scapegoat (ie. most of us here on OOTF) is seen within the toxic family as being the Persecutor (ie. selfish, bad and shameful for ever highlighting or calling out dysfunction), while the narcissist (the parent) can then continue to play the Victim enabled by a Rescuer (usually the other parent or a GC sibling).

He also notes the hot buttons many of us have, eg. Feeling triggered when someone doesn’t stand up for us, feeling socially excluded, or feeling we are somehow always in the wrong. These all make perfect sense when looked at from within this framework.

He also has some other very interesting videos, where he role-plays a narcissistic or borderline parent and a reactive or guilt-ridden adult child trying to cope with the PD parent, then shows how a healthy parent would communicate, and finally shows how an empowered child would deal with the PD parent. He plays all the roles and deserves an Oscar.

He is a licenced social worker who mentions that he also comes from a dysfunctional FOO so he certainly knows what he’s talking about.
Well worth a look in my opinion.

It’s called, ‘Is there cheap intimacy in your family?’
« Last Edit: March 15, 2021, 05:35:14 AM by doglady »



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Re: Great video that explains a lot about our role as family scapegoat.
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2021, 02:24:45 AM »
Hello doglady,

I came across Patrick Teahan's videos recently. I too like his roleplays, and he does an excellent job explaining what is going on in his different scenarios.

I've mentioned on these boards that I especially like the one on the "other parent." He talks about how the toxic family system tends to revolve around a more obviously toxic parent, and the less overtly toxic parent models how to navigate that. The other parent isn't really there for the kids, fails to protect them and often ends up leaning on them for support.

I've been watching it regularly. It is validating the elusive abuse I receive from my mother. I have only recently been able to recognize the extent of the damage she has caused. Ndad is sadistic, rageful and so obviously abusive that I recognized it when I was 8. Poor mom had such a "hard life" I wasn't allowed to be mad at her ever. Took me decades to figure out that while she seems sympathetic, I have every right to be just as angry with her.
I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me. -Elizabeth Bennet