sometimes it feels like I have a stalker

Lisa · March 17, 2021, 06:11:33 PM

My Mom left me a voice message on Sunday . It started like every voice message, ooooh poor her I didn't pick up, she thought a Sunday morning would be a good time to call and she can't fathom me actually being busy doing something (I was in the grocery store). She misses me, why can't we talk more. Then she jumped into saying she is coming to visit me in the Spring. She didn't ask it as a question, she didn't say she'd like to visit, she didn't ask if I'd like a visit. No, she straight up just invited herself to visit and told me that she expects to hear from me what dates I want her here. Then she went on to say she is no longer listening to the COVID restrictions because "it's gone on too long and we have to get back to our lives". Subtext being - I have no reason not to allow her to visit because she says COVID should be ignored and I can't possibly have any other legitimate reason.

I have not called her back... Since Sunday I have been receiving a lot of calls from unknown numbers. This morning alone I received 8 calls! I've gone into my settings to block them but I don't know if that will work being it is an unknown number? Worth a try!

Lisa · March 17, 2021, 07:03:53 PM

1 hour after blocking the unknown number I got a call from HER number. I didn't answer. She left a voice message this time. Of the song "you are so beautiful to me" playing for the duration of the song and then in an oddly chipper voice said "I love you Hun Bun"! and hung up.

what the what?!?!?!?!?

Boat Babe · March 17, 2021, 07:29:23 PM

Cat of the canals just put up an eerily similar post. Check it out.
And yeah, that's just weird and creepy.

Cat of the Canals · March 17, 2021, 08:36:52 PM

Your mother sounds like a 50/50 blend of my unPD mom and my unPD mil. *shivers*

unPD mil has already tried to invite herself to visit at least 5 times since we moved 1300 miles away. Covid ended up being a lovely excuse to keep her at bay, but the last time my husband spoke to her on the phone, she declared, "Covid is OVER." Knowing this was 100% a preamble to suggest a visit, he said, "Not for us, it isn't."

I've had to block her on social media, but she recently sent me a message on my FB business page. Completely stalkerish! My mother is worse on that front, though. She comments on my business page posts, has tried to join a private group I run (related to the business) half a dozen times, and will bombard me with text messages and emails and phone messages when she wants attention, all at once, like she expects me to get back to her RIGHT NOW.

Leaving a song on your voicemail is just completely weird. There must be something in the air.

Andeza · March 17, 2021, 09:10:37 PM

Sounds like my uBPDm on a bad day. For instance, I recall her telling me to let her know when she could come visit. I told her to book her flight and tell me, so I could request the time off from work. She never came.

I know why too. She wanted me to book the flight FOR her, and the hotel (although she would pay her own way she wasn't quite that bad), so she didn't have to stress over it. Much better that I should stress over it instead. Yup. Also, she tried relentlessly for a few months to get me onto Facebook to check out some "neat artwork" she had found. Told her no, I wasn't going to use Facebook. Was not interested, thanks. In hindsight, she was just looking for yet another way to try to stay enmeshed with me because I had started lowering contact even way back then before I knew what personality disorders even were. And yes, everything was always about her. Specifically about her and her medical issues. I know so much medical jargon at this point that my own physicians are always surprised when I wave off explanations of the terms.

If an ex-boyfriend bugged us this much... I wonder if the police wouldn't be involved at this point? Kinda interesting to contemplate.

Lisa · March 18, 2021, 11:59:09 AM

Another update....

I heard from a sibling today who shared that Mom had asked to visit them during Easter and they said no because of COVID restrictions. She became very upset. Now I know her phone calls to me were because she was triggered by my siblings 'no'.

She doesn't actually want to come visit me, truly. She was just pissed off that someone said no, so she's making her rounds through her children to see who she can push over.

I also think her weird song voice message was because I blocked the unknown number, she probably thought 'oh no, I've upset her' and then tried hoovering, or being waify??? still totally bizarre.

Spring Butterfly · March 20, 2021, 06:22:11 AM

It feels like a stalker because it is and the flip flop from rage to waiting out is typical. In my case uPDm would get the whole "oh yeah who do you think you are I'll show you you can't put me off" and flip to "you rejected me why do you not love me like I love you" and it was crazy so I just backed away slowly with each episode.

Mindset helped me. I focused hard on my real responsibilities and real needs without worry or concern. I made my doctor appointments and at MY inconvenience without a thought about another one of her rage episodes.

Of course my selfish behavior of having an actual need and making sure I took care of my physical health so, you know, I could keep living and all, just sent her over the edge.

When I landed in the hospital despite such efforts to stay alive she wanted to know when I'd be recovered so I could go shopping and have lunches again. Um hello, no this is going to be a looong recovery so yeah not anytime soon.

That was the turning point for me. Her utter selfishness at the total inconvenience of me nearly dying. I'm not exaggerating, that's the facts. It completely changed my view of my energies and world, how I'd be using my time for the rest of my days to be blessed with life.

Cat of the Canals · March 21, 2021, 03:41:00 PM

Quote from: Lisa on March 18, 2021, 11:59:09 AM
She doesn't actually want to come visit me, truly. She was just pissed off that someone said no, so she's making her rounds through her children to see who she can push over.

I've noticed that now that my mother has grandchildren to get her dose of resources from, she's a bit less demanding from me. Covid really put it in perspective, because for a while, my brother didn't need my parents to babysit several days a week like usual because of lockdown. Suddenly my mother's desperate need for phone calls from me went way up. Now that she's back to babysitting, she requires my attention less.