Is my ex a narcissist?

[Boho356]

So my now ex (partner of 11 years) split up with me just after Christmas.
His excuse was "the spark has gone" " I just don't feel the same way anymore".
Before this he grew distant wouldn't speak to me and when I pulled him up on this he'd get pissed and storm out.

Little things after the separation would come back to me like how he would hound me by texting all the time after stealing my number from my own phone without me knowing, buying me gifts, treating me like a princess, saying "I love you" pretty early on in our relationship and would not stop saying it, giving me oral sex while I was asleep and not in a relationship with him. There was one instance where I realised he was trying to record us having sex.

We were engaged, living together and trying for a baby all this was snatched away from me (it was him who was desperate for a baby with me but got worried when i wasn't getting pregnant)


He would jokingly punch me in the arm when he was in one of his silly moods but would punch full pelt leaving bruises but I would laugh it off as I thought he was just being silly (I would do it back) and he would laugh saying how much it hurt  .

After our separation he would say things like "we're still mates aren't we?" and tell me he'd like to keep me in his life because of the dog and won't discard of someone he's known for 11 years.

I also received inheritance from my Kate grandfather and he would claim that money was also his bit I wouldn't give him any as he spends like there's no tomorrow he even wanted to own a mustang which in reality he wouldn't be able to afford. Are all narcissists like this with money? They want flashy cars and homes?

This guy would even comment on how good looking and gorgeous he was but would comment in I skinny I was, how small my boobs were etc and say "don't try and cheat on me because you won't get anyone else".

Was I in a narcissistic relationship?

[Penny Lane]

Hi, I'm sorry but I can't tell you for sure whether he was a narcissist. What I can tell you is that the relationship does sound toxic for you. I suggest looking at the resources and toolbox tabs at the top of the page. You don't have to prove, definitively, that he was a narcissist in order to recognize patterns and to use the tools that others have developed for similar patterns.

When you are asking whether he is a narcissist, what are you really looking for? Are you searching for some kind of closure? Or for a reason why the relationship ended the way it did? I hope that whatever you need, you can find a way to give it to yourself even without the certainty of a diagnosis for him.

If you are looking for validation from others, I will say, the way he treated you was not OK. It's normal to feel sad or to have whiplash or to feel conflicting feelings or really to have any combination of emotions. I'm sorry that he treated you this way; you deserve better. I hope that you can find a way to heal and to move forward and to have a much happier life than when he was in it!

(Also, he does not deserve any of your inheritance. Stay strong!)

[1footouttadefog]

We cannot diagnose, bit you describe some things that line up with him possibly having a personality disorder in the clusterb.

Either way, whst matters is that you were living with abuse and were not being treated well.

If you have doubts, read in these forums and you will see parts of your story repeated in the stories of others.

Also the toolbox section of this website is useful. I recommend the 100 traits list.

Its eye opening amd gave me words for oh so many things I was living with that i knew were not quite right.