Hi! (*sigh of relief*)

[spiritualbutterfly]

Wow, I didn't expect it, but as soon as I started this post, I breathed a huge sigh of relief!! I've been wandering through some difficult relationships for a while now and have been trying to find some support. In the process, I think I've lost my BFF -- which makes me really sad -- and I've seen different sides of people I thought were in my corner. I believe in therapy, and I've been before, but I didn't quite get the relief I was hoping for and am more carefully considering the next therapist I might trust. So, in the meantime, I've just been wandering and feeling really detached, misunderstood, and even misunderstanding of myself.

Brief history: I am divorced from a decade-long marriage to a man I consider a narcissist. As a result, my children and I moved in with my mother who, while I was going through my divorce, I began to strongly suspect is also a narcissist and/or someone with borderline traits -- our relationship has always been strangely tough, but I couldn't put a label to it. A couple of years ago, I reconnected with an old love who was also recovering from his own difficult experience, and just as I was deciding that it was probably still not our time, I found out we would be connected for life by a beautiful child that we now share. Let me add that I am also on a new spiritual path, in the process of leaving the Christian faith. That process was facilitated by what I believe was my church family's unintentional yet damaging complicity in the treatment I suffered during my marriage.

I am excited and grateful that this space exists!! I look forward to finally connecting with others who know what it's like to experience the insidiousness of emotional manipulation and abuse and who genuinely and intentionally want to heal.

Peace and love,
spiritualbutterfly

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You have found a good place full of information and support.  It sounds like the PD in your life at this time seems to be your mother. Are you still living with her? How do you maintain your boundaries? Do you have real life support? See you around on the boards.

[spiritualbutterfly]

Welcome! You have found a good place full of information and support.  It sounds like the PD in your life at this time seems to be your mother. Are you still living with her? How do you maintain your boundaries? Do you have real life support? See you around on the boards.

Thank you! Yes, we are still living with her and probably will be for the foreseeable future. Maintaining boundaries is pretty difficult for several reasons. Mostly, I try to keep my head down, accept that she is who she is (and I am who I am), find ways to decompress and do self-care, and continually plan our way out of this situation. I'm learning that trying to address issues with her through conversation is usually a waste of time, as what I say seems to go in one ear and out the other, or I end up angry, hurt, and/or feeling misunderstood at the end of it all. So, I've been picking my battles, but I draw the line at my kids, and that is often where we bump heads. She watches them while I work, and finances don't really allow me to change that right now.

My real-life support is limited. That's why I'm grateful for this space. I need to process things, but I don't want to overwhelm the few people I call friends, nor do I really want to be telling all of our household affairs to them. The father of my youngest child and I still see each other very often, but it's hard to talk to him because he and my mom have a great friendship, and I'm not sure he doesn't have more PD potential than I originally realized -- though he has some insight into his attitudes and behaviors and makes some effort not to be intolerable.

[CelestialLight]

It's freeing to be able to talk freely with no judgement isn't it?

I remember talking to my therapist, and, slightly confused, asked her if it was abuse I went through. She looked me in the eye and said yes.

Just a huge feeling of relief, and a weight off my shoulders. No watching what I say, no worrying about it getting back to someone... just being able to be honest.

If I might make a suggestion? When looking for a therapist, look for a specialty. Some specialty's even cross over a bit. Mine is a sex therapist, who also does couples counselling, so her methods work well for me healing from a previous relationship, but also helping me with how I relate to others. A lot of people are surprised at the overlap.

I hope everything goes well for you!