Nsis Has Gone Too Far...Again

[LoverofPeace]

So, the Nsis has gone too far yet again. This Nfamily thing has been too much and this is a lonely feeling. I truly hate having been forced in this position of having had to deal with these personality types. While I understand the lessons, I get tired of moving forward only to have to deal with more by myself. Thank God for God Himself, but being human, I envy those who have consistent support. That's a gift not to take for granted.

So the thing is, I tried being supportive of my mother and grandmother for years, before truly knowing about narcissism, through their hospital emergencies, birthdays, holidays, gravesite visits 2 hours away for my beloved grandfather, regular day visits, etc. All to no avail., as you know how they are and all they want to know is what else you can do for them. 

Fast forward to a couple of months ago, and my mother who lived only 15 minutes from me for years, moved many states away to live with the malignant Nsis. Even though I had been keeping my distance from her for some years now, this was great news for me, as she always claimed I was 'supposed' to do the things I did because I lived close by (and the grand is 30 minutes away by car). 

Though she'd never admit it, she actually had to move because she finally lost her shirt from gambling since I was 12. I am 55 years old now! And she gets regular income from her retirement. But she gambles as if it's her 2nd job. 

So, she and the Nsis came up with moving the tenants out who were renting the basement of her house, having Nmom move in with her and her son, sell Nmom's place and cash in on it, and apparently have my mom pay her some type of monthly rent. Mind you, this is after my Nmom kept saying for years the only way she was coming out of her house was feet first! As usual, I am (happily) left out of the loop until I hear them blabbing about the outcome after cooking up whatever they discussed. 

Well, the grand who I call their third musketeer and is more like an impish narc ('woe' is her), is now telling me the Nsis has come for her finances, too. Apparently, the Nsis got her paws on her bank account and 'drained', her.

But the Ngrand, along with Nmom, gave the Nsis liberties for years, while treating me and especially my other dearly departed sis, as scapegoats. Meaning for me, they gave me a hard time even when helping them out! So, when I called the grand a couple of weeks ago, just to say hello, and the first thing she tells me is what the Nsis did, I let this 95 year-old woman have it. Not proudly, but I guess from years of frustration. And just to mention, she has all her facilities and lives alone in a nice sized house, with close neighbors that look out for her, bless their hearts.

But this has been disrespectful with her my mom, and sis, due to their degrees of narcissism. Especially when the Nsis put her hands on me a few years back that I wrote about. I took care of that by defending myself. And haven't said more than two words since she called to "apologize" and insulted me more. And my Nmom thought she could try to 'order' me to stay in touch, which was also too much nerve being she was there and I was defending us both from the Nsis' recklessness.

I've had peace ever since stepping away, and now the Ngrand is hoping someone can rescue her from the Nsis'. The problem being that she took funds from her account and said she will be homeless because of her. My thing is I began spilling my guts how I felt scapegoated all these years while trying to help wherever, didn't expect anything in return, always told her to spend the "will" funds for herself as times are hard, etc.

And oh, by the way grandma, how was the Nsis Even able to touch the money? Isn't she supposed to handle your estate AFTER you are no longer here? Even these so-called extra funds she said she was 'leaving' just me, she says she touched. While I never had so much as had an account number, nor asked for it, since the Ngrand didn't give that to me. It was like a form of control I saw it as in time, and glad I didn't take any bait. Already told her to spend that, too, thanks. I can work for my own money and life.

But now the Nsis is taking her money and essentially, her and my Nmom (who is in her lair as we speak), seem to be trapped. But I told the Ngrand, and formerly my Nmom who is too stubborn to listen, that they enabled her and made her bolder. That in turn, made it harder for me to be there; was verbally and physically attacked, plus received no support from them. You know, just say it wasn't right how she acts.

Basically, I told Ngrand to consult her lawyer and even tell my Nmom (in case she didn't know about this), and her niece who also has something to do with handling her estate. And since they talk about everything else without me, acted like she couldn't trust me when I was the one she could, that I couldn't help after all this. So, why tell me now?

But she still has done none of these things, claims her neighbor knows and handling it.

I know she is in her 90's now, but once again, she is still independent. And I finally got myself to a better place AWAY from them. To confront this Nsis would surely be trouble. Frankly, I got untangled from her when I last put her in her place and don't think it's worth my safety and sanity after dealing with the three of them.

Sorry this is very long. Please let me know what you think if it's possible.

Thanks for reading this craziness!

[LoverofPeace]

Hello again,

Just had to add that this Ngrandmother claims she wanted to sit down and have a talk with her when the Nsis comes to town. Huh? I told her that her lawyer's advice would be best thing in my opinion. Plus, what good would it do to sit and 'talk'? Doesn't the actions speak louder than any words? Told her she could talk with her until she was blue in the face. The Nsis was going to tell her what she wants to hear and all that bullish stuff.

Anyway, the Ngrandmom never directly answered what was the Nsis doing having access to her account NOW while she is still alive, and not upon her passing away. That part disgusts me, because this was arranged many years ago this way. So, the Ngrand can't blame anyone but herself. But all she said was, "Yes, that's true. Why does she?". 

[Boat Babe]

You have no obligation to get involved in this rats' nest. None whatsoever.

If your grandmother is sound of mind,  then she has to live with her choices. Same goes for your mother. Sounds like karma to me.

[LoverofPeace]

Wow, thanks Boat Babe. This is my same thinking. I just feel a bit conflicted due to her age, and what if she is beginning to decline, too? But this was definitely arranged during a sound (narcissistic) mind. Plus, she's trying to get me to come visit. I said I can't, given the pandemic, my schedule, and especially her having close dealings with the Nsis. Has she heard anything? So, no thanks.

P.S. I hope this doesn't sound petty or mean, but thought I'd mention that she is not my blood grand. She is my deceased paternal grandfather's second wife. But this is never talked about, because she has been family since my father and his brother were youngsters (both deceased).

In reality, all blood grands on both sides are deceased. But I've always supported this living grand, because I never really knew my father's real mom (only met her once), and I considered her to be supportive growing up.

To be fair, she is a sweet person, if not annoying with her waif-like ways at times. Another sis who was more sweet (also deceased) once called me naive about her. Seems like it was the beginning to one of the roads learning about narcissism.

I still consider her family, but that's not necessarily saying much with some of the members that are still here.

I appreciate your reply! 

[AlisonWonder]

It sounds like a very interesting mess, I hope you continue to look after yourself, Loverofpeace.

Our parents (mine and DH) are gone  now,  but there were times we just could not  look after them in the expected way. We realised then that our lack of social and emotional resources was due to how we were raised, so you could say, it all works out in the end.  No need to feel bad.

[LoverofPeace]

Thank you, AlisonWonder,

My goodness, what great screen names on this site!

You are also very eloquent with your words.

It feels so good knowing I am not crazy wanting to take care of myself nowadays. I recite to myself at times, 'And this too shall past'.

Yes, I feel it will work itself out and I cannot control it (nor want to). I just hope and pray the Ngrand is saying her prayers, as I am for her. Cause that's all I have left of me for that situation.