You guys were not kidding

[PAY]

I've been out for a month today (Yay!) Against all suggestions, we are currently doing a mediated divorce. We get so close to an agreement and he moves the pin. I finally had enough yesterday. I very calmly said no, set my boundary. And OMG, he went ballistic! He finally cracked and showed his whole personality in front of the mediator.

Like many others, I have struggled with the illusions of what was and what could be. I've doubted whether he really has a personality disorder. I'm also part of 12 step groups and understand the idea of the progressive nature of those diseases. I'm seeing that here too with PD. That at 72, the PD is just progressing.

The mediator also pointed out to him/us in yesterday's session how widely his moods were swinging-he started out desperately wanting us to go away for an intensive couples counseling weekend (uh, no) to abandoning mediation and hiring lawyers and going to litigation.

I barely said anything while he was all over the place.
I don't know if it's ok to share this here...I think I heard of this author here. The author is Bill Cody and the book is BIFF. He's a lawyer and psychologist and has experience working with PDs. BIFF is howto respond to PDs: Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. It's help me get rid of the extraneous information in his stuff and get clear about my responses.

So sad. But I'm looking forward to the rest of my serene life. You all have help me come Out of the FOG. Thank you!

[Associate of Daniel]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Do know that you're not alone.  There are so many people on these boards who are witnessing the same behaviours during mediation.

I love the B.I.F.F. advice and have used it for many years.

Just a correction though:  The author's name is Bill Eddy.

AOD

[PAY]

Thanks AOD. And yes, typo.

[ploughthrough2021]

Thanks for sharing this. I am anticipating the same challenge with my uNPDw.  I will definitely read the book.