Managing finances with PD Partner

[Dtodream]

Hi. I have an issue where I am the sole income of a family; wife and two kids under 3. She is the full time mum and I believe is suffering some level of BPD though it is not formally diagnosed.

The budget is quite tight and we have disagreements about what to spend money on which I keep trying to resolve In a balanced way.

I have allocated an equal amount of personal spending money (around 7% of total income)  to each of us she is still insisting on controlling or limiting my spending on certain activities. We keep going round and round and whatever I propose it never gets resolved.

Anyone have any advice on how to set boundaries or how to talk with her about this so that I can enjoy activities that are important to me while also being repsonsible for the family and fair and equitable to my partner.

[1footouttadefog]

Do the activities in dispute come out of your part of the 7%.

Does her part have to be spent on the kids activities?

Those are just a couple examples of things that came to mind as questions where a dispute over spending money might have the devil in the details.

I would think over the senRio to examine for possible overlooked "unfainesses" before having a talk.

If you feel things are fair, I would ask her in what way she thinks things are unfair.

Perhaps it's not about money directly but a lack of access to free time to do things the money might otherwise afford her.

Perhaps it's a matter of your free time being spent eslewhere is felt like rejection, or that she has less of a life away from home and sees your outside activities as unfair.

If she is a stay at home mom, she might be depending on you for having all or most her needs met and you having other interests and activities is adding to a problem of being unfulfilled. 

Sometimes people fight over something  it the fight is merely symbolic for an underlying issue or unmet need.