Arguments over stupid stuff, and more!

[blew]

I suggested this AM that we might need a new meat thermometer. That I had trouble reading the numbers.  This is maybe a $10 item, but somehow it got turned into "a thing." "I can read it OK."  "I don't want one of those round ones." "This kind is hard to find."  Is there NOTHING that she doesn't have a stupid opinion on?  I should know better.  Just freakin' buy one and throw it in the drawer, right?  But hey, THAT might set her off, too!  "Why did you get this?" "I think the old one was fine." 

It's apparent to me that essentially any topic, big or small, can be turned into a problem with an ensuing rant.  Eggshells, indeed.  I pretty much stop talking and let her rant on endlessly.  But wait!  That's when I get accused of being sullen and cranky!

She spent upwards of 8 hours the other day bitching about a run-in she had with a person we're both dealing with.  The other person, while a bit vague about the issue, was not wrong.  My OCPD spouse was.  She complained and yelled and ranted all day about how this was such an inconvenience and how the other person was a c**t and a b***h and should have told her this and that.  Eight hours of ranting, when the fix for the problem took maybe a half hour. 

This is the calculus that is driving me to distraction.  JUST FIX THE THING AND MOVE ON!  Yet she apparently loves the rant more than the simple act of dealing with the problem and moving on.

And, at the end of that day, it got turned around on me!  I find it astounding (and shouldn't after all these years) that she does not see herself for what she is.  Sigh.

[ploughthrough2021]

I hear you there. I have dealt with this for 30 years with my uPDw.  Don't lose yourself with that. Login to your Out of FOG account and you will see that you are not alone.

[Lauren17]

Stopping these random comments was really difficult for me, when I first came Out of the FOG. I'm a chatty person. And "we need a new meat thermometer" seems like a safe topic.
In my situation, quietly buying a new thermometer and throwing away the broken one is the path of least resistance.
I was continually astounded at the things he got angry/insulted over. So now I say very little.

[SparkStillLit]

My stupid stuff argument was yesterday, over "I can't know more than he does". He kept saying wrong things about a topic I know about from my job, like MULTIPLE REALLY WRONG things, and I started off saying "that's not how that works" like the commercial lady. He got shitty and said "well how DOES it work?" like he thought I wouldn't know, so I said. Then I kept correcting him henceforth, and he kept saying "I know, but" and switching his story to something else still wrong, like kids do, so I would correct the new story (I know, I was just being crappy myself at this point, and engaging in things I shouldn't. I let him piss me off) and he finally blew up because he couldn't be "right". I knew all about this and he didn't.

[ploughthrough2021]

My meat thermometer was the opposite. She decided the one that I like was not good and got one with a smaller dial which I can't read (as I have a cataract). Needless to say, I am still using the old one that has a bigger dial and the meat on the dial.

[losingmyself]

Blew, you're right, they can't see themselves for what they are.
My H will describe himself to a t.... but he's complaining about someone else. And heaven forbid if I point out that he does the same thing.
I go with "whatever" very often.
I have learned not to argue. It leads to nothing but a headache. I think I would have gone ahead and bought a new thermometer some time when we're shopping. But my H will just complain for a little while, then drop it, so it's not too bad.
If he disagrees with something I've said, I just say "Ok" and drop it.
No sense arguing with a person who is not going to hear you.

[Fae Greenwood]

My uNPDh automatically insists I'm wrong, even if it is a personal preference or completely unimportant. We can't both be right (even if we are), I MUST be wrong. Therefore the meat thermometer must be fine even if the inside is covered with debris and you can't see 3/4 of the label and it's only a few dollars to have one that is comfortable to use and it doesn't really matter but you must be wrong. Oh, and you'll buy the wrong model too, you should have bought the more expensive/cheaper/digital/analog/big dial/small dial/meat listing/candy listing/infinitychoices one instead.

I'm tired.

[ploughthrough2021]

I had to laugh at Fae's comment about 'should have bought the one that you didn't get'.  I've got that so many times...

[SparkStillLit]

Omg this just reminded me of THE ICE CREAM SCOOP!!!!! Same situation but an ice cream scoop. Updh wanted the one that didn't exist, and he told me "never buy these again" about the kind we had that broke, even though HE purchased them!
I found a sturdy one and bought it, and was given another different sort of sturdy one.
Help me find my EYES. They've rolled away across the pond by now.