Holiday push and pull/minimal contact

[Kitbit]

I have recently decided to stop reading correspondence from a PD family member. I have a friend who will look at it and give me any pertinent details or action items. It is another step in what has been minimal contact for years. I went through this process yesterday with some correspondence. Even that seemed to pull at me. It seems any involvement has the power to dysregulate me somewhat, though much less than before. I've arrived at an understanding of why no contact is necessary, only to have it pull at me again internally by even engaging minimally with the mail. There has been no acknowledgement of my experience of what has happened to me through the years. This echoes out to interactions with any family members on that side and contaminates interactions with them, essentially placing a barricade between me and anyone else on that side. It feels unreal to be engaging in any way and feels virtually impossible. On top of it is holiday time which heightens the sense of absence. Any suggestions on this outer cusp of no contact?

[doglady]

Hi kitbit
I can completely relate to everything you're saying: the dysregulation from even very minimal involvement, like even hearing something secondhand from something; the unwillingness of FOO to acknowledge their part; and the feelings of contamination regarding extended family and friends of FOO. I agree that is feels unreal and impossible to engage in any way. I also don't want to involve myself with them though. But I continue to wrestle with a lot of emotions around all this, as I was inculcated to put family first. I have been VVVVLC/heading ever closer to NC for nearly 2 years now. As for the sense of absence: yes, there is an absence of family, I suppose, but then again there is also an absence of stress, gaslighting, and general PD behaviour in my life now too.
There are no easy answers for those of us on the outer cusp of NC. Some days are harder than others. And things can trigger us out of the blue. Not sure if this post gives you any answers. But I just wanted you to know I can relate. You are not alone.