What does dad want?

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What does dad want?
« on: April 08, 2021, 12:06:56 PM »
My dad is an insomniac and alcoholic.

He hits.
He throws things.
He tampers with transport.
He insults.  He would call my sister the antichrist when she was 14.  He would assault her and say the selfish devil was in her and that she was a piece of shit.  He would screw the windows shut and remove the door of her room.

He always want me to babysit and dog sit. Like... as a job.  Instead of proper work. I am 28.  I don't need to be doing that. 

I am living in the city trying to get high paying work in my field and I get messages from my mother and six year old niece that sound like they came from another dimension.  They are describing situations that are not happening.

"I can't give up I love you too much"

... give up on what?

"I have tried to make you happy but you must now be responsible for your happiness.  These outbursts are not good...."

What outbursts?  What's going on? I haven't been having outbursts?  Dad has outbursts every week.... not me.... I am not even near you guys.... wtf....

Basically they are acusing me of having outbursts and being emotionally unstable because I live in the city.... like.... literally hundreds of millions of people.  I got very annoyed at my sister because she kept criticizing me.

But these messages from my mother....  and my niece!  My niece is only SIX!  What ARE they talking about?  I just send happy faces and smiley emojis and send her gifts and say nice things.  How does she percieve my behaviour as strange?

I don't know how to respond.  I get high context messages that I can't even comprehend from family.  It's like opening a novel half way through and reading random extracts.

I cannot ask what they mean because I just get snowed over with nonsensical phrases and reprimanded.

This has to be dad.  He must be getting people to say things on his behalf.  All he does is gossip. Of course these are extreme measures to go to get a dog sitter.



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Re: What does dad want?
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2021, 12:46:01 PM »
Hi and welcome to OOTF.

I am thankful you have launched out on your own and are pursuing the life you choose for yourself despite all of the pressure from family members.

There are great resources at the drop down menus above and throughout the forum. I hope they will be of help and support to you as you sort through this inexplicable contact from your mother and niece.

Do you have face to face support from friends in the city where you live and possibly from a trained professional like a therapist? This sounds like a long history of awful abuse in your family or origin and it might help to have someone specially trained to help guide you to healing in this and figure out the next best steps in these relationships.

Take your time and settle in and when you are ready, join the conversations taking place on the forum boards!