She fell, again.

[Fiasco]

The emergency button people dispatched the fire department and she wouldn't even answer the door. She told the button people to "send them away, she doesn't need them". We had a very brief phone call and she claims to be unable to remember literally anything and her sister kept calling so I told her to hang up with me and call her sister. I'm enraged. You can't help someone who won't be helped and she will not be helped. Tomorrow is the visiting nurse's day off, so I can't even tell the hoards of flying monkeys that the nurse will know what is best when they start calling.  She's already called back with a weepy voicemail (her calls go straight to VM) about how she hopes I'll find time to call her back so we can have a real talk. Fat chance. I'm going to take a scalding hot shower and get in bed to watch tv on my ipad.

[SunnyMeadow]

NOW she wants a real talk and hopes you'll find the time to call back? Ugh 

I hope none of those flying monkeys call you. You need peace and quiet.

[Sneezy]

You can't help someone who won't be helped and she will not be helped.

She doesn't want help or solutions or any kind of satisfactory outcome.  It's the drama that she wants.  The never-ending drama, which brings with it all kinds of attention.  Good attention, bad attention - it doesn't matter.  Your mom will never get enough attention, no matter what. 

A hot shower is a good first step.  I blame my mom's PD for our high water bill    Seriously, keep your boundaries strong, ignore the voicemails and texts (the visiting nurse will be back in a day or so, and she can handle things).  You can't fix this, all you can do is keep your boundaries up so that you don't get sucked into your mom's pit of despair.

Sending you peaceful thoughts 

[ArmadilloKate]

I had to read this carefully cause for a second I thought you might be my sister, talking about my mom!

Oh the falling and button drama. The refusal to do things to prevent and protect and treat injuries...its all part of the self-harm and push-pull cycle isn't it? Same old thing...

Good for you for taking a scalding hot shower and watching tv on bed and not falling into the drama vortex.

[Fiasco]

I hope none of those flying monkeys call you. You need peace and quiet.

Apparently I did not provide the level of fun and drama everyone was hoping for last time this happened (last month). My major FM aunt seems to be not speaking to me? Although we only ever spoke by text and only when there's mom drama. It's delightful. I'm sure I'll be  hearing from the nice (accidental FM) friend of my mom's today but she never seeks drama, only sensible action. I'll be kind of watching to make sure she's not being run ragged by my mom and aunt.

I love that you blame your mom for your high water bill Sneezy. LOL! Kate isn't it amazing how they're all using the identical PD playbook somehow.

I'm on a sobriety journey and the book I'm following has you keep a journal and wants you to write down things like "event plus reaction equals outcome" so you can feel like less of a victim and see  your role in outcomes. Last night I wrote down the latest fall for event, refusing to get hysterical for reaction, and then the outcome was a peaceful night in bed reading and then a good night's sleep. Awesome

[Fiasco]

She fell AGAIN and pushed her (bleeping) button and let the first responders check her out and then declined to go to (bleeping) ER. I have now told FM aunt and accidental FM friend she is under no condition to be allowed to refuse to go to the ER again they can kiss my ass. She doesn't need a hot meal and a friend she needs to be taken to hospital and mother effing left there until she has been evaluated for a safe return to home (as effing if) versus a trip to a rehab. Good and holy God I am so angry.

[Sneezy]

Oh no, not another fall.  Honestly, at this point, the best outcome might be if she falls, the first responders insist on taking her to the ER, and she ends up in the hospital followed by rehab.  Now, you need to practice saying "No she can't come live with me and I can't come care for her.  I can't lift her, can't adequately care for her, she needs more help than I can give."  Most rehab facilities will assign a social worker to help figure out next steps.  Just make sure that you make it very clear that you providing care is not an option.

[Fiasco]

Sneezy she fell down and broke her back almost ten years ago. Trust and believe I know how to tell a medical social worker where to stick it. Her friend has spent the afternoon trying to get her to agree to go to Emergency. I told the friend that if she won't go, and she falls again, stay home. Let the paramedics deal with it. Ugh.

[Cat of the Canals]

Sounds to me like she didn't get the response she wanted last time, so she's going all out this time. 

I hope you're absolutely spoiling yourself with self care.

[Fiasco]

Thank you! I am about to have one of my favorite ice cream bars and then go for yet another walk.

[doglady]

Fiasco, I just want to say: I really like your style.

[Fiasco]

She's in the hospital, woo hoo! Did have critically low levels of some (fixable) nutrients which explains all the falling down. She'll be there for another day or two and then the real work will begin: dealing with the fact she's really not safe at home. Notes for discharge already include home care workers. Her home FYI is a 15 hour drive from me, she won't be getting coddled by me. One ER doc also put "possible dementia" in her notes. Whoo boy.

Doglady, thank you. If only our dogs could play together and while we eat ice cream sandwiches!

[ArmadilloKate]

Yay! Such a relief!!!

She's in the hospital, woo hoo! Did have critically low levels of some (fixable) nutrients which explains all the falling down. She'll be there for another day or two and then the real work will begin: dealing with the fact she's really not safe at home. Notes for discharge already include home care workers. Her home FYI is a 15 hour drive from me, she won't be getting coddled by me. One ER doc also put "possible dementia" in her notes. Whoo boy.

Doglady, thank you. If only our dogs could play together and while we eat ice cream sandwiches!

[Andeza]

15 hour drive. Isn't it lovely?

I'm glad she got checked over, Fiasco. Now you've got a bit of validation for what you already knew.

If your weather is nice today, enjoy it!

[Sneezy]

Let the paramedics deal with it.

Yep, this should be the standard answer to every fall and emergency from here on out.  That's what paramedics are trained to do.  Your mother won't be the first difficult old person they've had to handle.

Hope you enjoyed your ice cream bar!

[doglady]

Great news, fiasco. Keep up the solid work.
And I'm sure our dogs would have a great time playing together. 

[GentleSoul]

Dropping off words of support.  I see my late uPD husbands behaviours in your mum.  Yeah they really do read the same Handbook!

The medical people and attention always has to be on their terms, when they want it.

[Leonor]

Oh Fiasco what a drama. My fil, grandf and my stepm have that same playbook. My stepm was so codependent that when my alcoholic f went into the hospital for kidney failure she was in there within the week too -- for *dehydration*! My grandf was also in and out for dehydration. What selfishness to stop drinking water so that you can worry your family and take resources from people who are sick, not just sick in the head! And fil is always calling the ambulance and then calling our house (no more, not allowed to call my house) especially when there is some kind of family tension. You can see it coming because he starts massaging his chest. 

I agree with Cat, she may be upping the ante here. Even if she's falling due to vitamin deficiencies, she can take a dang vitamin. And don't worry about her friend; she's a bug girl and if she's being run ragged, it's up to her to decline.

You focus on you and your recovery.

[Fiasco]

You focus on you and your recovery.

Yes ma'am, first priority. For my sake and my beautiful kids.

BPDm is heading to rehab from the hospital, woo hoo! Since the second she got admitted I've been rubbing my hands together like a cartoon villain and muttering "you're mine now (bad word)". She will not escape accountability for her needs and what she puts her sister and friends through with her foolishness. If she goes home to fall onto her nugget every day until she manages to knock her brain out her ear everyone will know it was against all efforts, and that she chose her selfishness over their care.