Hearing and chat

[Bunnyme]

We have our first (minor) hearing tomorrow.  My attorney says we dont need to ask for a GAL or evaluator.  She thinks it is best not to leave it to someone else since he can charm people. 
He did a video chat with the kids tonight.  Went on about how great he was doing, big show and crying about how much he misses them, said how awesome I am and how I take such great care of them...  all of the things that kept getting me sucked back in (at least emotionally) before.  I keep reminding myself that it is all talk.  He still hasn't responded to my asking where the child support is.  It hurts to think he knows how he is supposed to feel, yet he doesnt actually feel it.  Of course, the doubt of "maybe this time, he really sees the light" comes through, but I'm firm in my decision that even if he turns it around, it wont be with me. 
More than anything, I worry about how tomorrow will go.  I worry that later, if and when it goes to trial, he will be able to convince everyone that he is dad of the year.
I'm so messed up from gaslighting that I actually started to doubt myself again.   

[Poison Ivy]

I understand your worries, but if your husband already isn't paying child support, he won't be seen as father of the year.

[xredshoesx]

keep us posted and try to get some rest. 

[Bunnyme]

My attorney didnt ask for a PL hearing, which is what we had discussed earlier this week.  The whole thing only took a few minutes, and I was frozen in confusion.  We went right to a settlement conference.  When I said I didnt understand, my attorney told me it was fine and she'd explain after.  Nope.  Missed our chance at a PL because she talked to his attorney who assured her they were very close to settling and giving me what I wanted.  We have gone down this road with a few other settlements that he promised to sign and never did.  I dont know why she now thinks he will sign it.  Does she no longer believe me because now it is coming from another attorney?   

[notrightinthehead]

have you asked your attorney what happened?  You are entitled to understand what went on, surely?

[Bunnyme]

This whole thing is messed up.  Somehow they want my attorney to write a settlement offer,  but he will pay for it?  Makes zero sense.  What I want is in the complaint.  I have no idea what he wants.  I almost dumped my attorney a couple of times, and now I wish that I had. 

[Prototypian]

My advice is a crucial conversation with your lawyer.  I'm not a lawyer but my experience with them is that they will listen to clients and take notes.   You need to ask the lawyer to listen and spell out point by point specifically what you want as a representative.   List them specifically and let them know this is what communication you expect, how you want to be involved in decisions and how you want your interests to be advocated for.

With regard to your spouse, absolutely let the lawyer know that there is a factual history of him not settling and you want specific papers drawn up for you spouses attorney to review and you would like to review what his attorney asks about that document.  Then your goal should be to get papers delivered by an attorney for the divorce and settlement.  This places the work in the hands of the courts which is what you are paying for.

[Medowynd]

Before you sit down with your attorney, have an itemized list of all of your concerns.  Be sure that she addresses everything clearly and not with vague answers.  Be very clear about what you want exactly and don't let her brush  it off of the ex's attorney.  If your attorney tries this, she is not doing the job that you are paying her to do.

[Prototypian]

Before you sit down with your attorney, have an itemized list of all of your concerns.  Be sure that she addresses everything clearly and not with vague answers.  Be very clear about what you want exactly and don't let her brush  it off of the ex's attorney.  If your attorney tries this, she is not doing the job that you are paying her to do.

I completely agree.   The role of th attorney is not to simply go through the motions and reach some settlement to move on to the next project.   It's to represent the client and their interests.   You don't need some mean shark attorney, you need a competent and representative one who will hear your interests and concerns, advise you and then take away the burden of dealing with a difficult spouse in a tough set of legal negotiations.