Reluctance in Decision Making

[Andeza]

We're preparing for a major move, multiple hundreds of miles. In preparation for the move, I'm going through everything that's been in storage for the last two years since our last move. We've moved a ridiculous amount in the last nine years and I'm so stinkin' tired of it, but that's besides the point I'd like to address.

I open up a box. It's disorganized, filled with random items that got chucked in there in the rush of the last move or the move before that, or even before that in some cases. And all I feel is the overwhelming desire to leave it and go do anything else. Anything! Because the box isn't full of stuff. It's full of decisions. I have to decide what to keep and why, and what to dispose of and why. Although I'd rather not decide anything at all, I'm forcing myself to face it. Any item too conflicted or difficult in the moment gets set aside to be revisited in a few days after mentally chewing on it a bit. I am making progress, having gotten ride of somewhere near 70% of everything I've gone through so far because the idea of moving it all again, and then again in a few more years, just sucks. I'm tired of moving all this... crap. We had a file cabinet full on both levels. I got it down to 1/2 of a level just by throwing out old bills and whatnot that we kept because... why? Because we couldn't be bothered to decide whether to toss it or not?

I've made a visible dent at this point, but I'm just so tired of making decisions already. I don't know where this comes from, or precisely how to deal with it beyond sucking it up and getting to work despite running out of steam constantly. Being pregnant is not helping of course. A lot of my vital energy is going into that right now as well. I was wondering if anyone might offer any insight? Perhaps someone has made this journey already and can offer a bit of guidance? Specifically, what causes this reluctance, and is there a better way to deal with it?

[square]

Making decisions IS tiring.

It's not you. It just is.

Our brains use up a ton of juice - a surprising amount of our caloric energy goes toward brainpower alone.

You pick up a thing. What is it? If it's paper, you have to read it and search for the important data in a bunch of words.

Now. Do you need it? Maaaaybe? Will you ever use it, wear it; will the kids maybe want it some day? Is this cord for something we need? If I chuck it, will I regret it? It's a perfectly good widget, I don't want it but maybe I should find it a new home? Arghhhh SO MUCH EFFORT MAKE IT STAAAAWP.

I've been going through some clutter lately, and I have literally hired a teenager (who I know) to sit there and give me emotional support and her two cents. I'm making the decisions ultimately but I talk to her - look at this thing. I've kept it for 20 years. I guess I'm never gonna use it. Sigh. She says yeah, you should let that go. Okay, here's two sets of boots. I don't need both. She says, those are nicer, the other pair is kind of scuffed. Unless they are more comfortable? And the input helps.

It's tiring. It just is.

My SIL had a ton of stuff in paid storage. She could not handle going through it. MIL offered to help. She paid for years and then couldn't pay. So she didn't have to decide; it all got taken.

It's exhausting.

[Amadahy]

Wow, Andeza! You've gotten through a lot.  Good work -- and it is work!

We've done a remodel and I boxed up some things. DS took 10 boxes to Goodwill.  I was horrified - went to retrieve, but it was too late.  DS knows not to do this again, but it's given me a lot to think about. I haven't missed anything. I have no idea what was in those boxes, but I haven't missed anything. 

Best wishes and congrats on a little one-coming.

[Andeza]

Oh wow, square, that sums up almost exactly my thought process. I guess I never considered that making decisions is actually tiring. I just thought I was being, you know, lazy or silly about it. But all actions consume energy, so why not? Lol, I burned lots of calories yesterday hauling completed boxes from storage to the garage. Nothing too heavy, I'll leave those for dh. But still. No wonder I fell asleep so darn fast.

Thanks amadahy, it doesn't feel like a lot when I look at the rest still to go, but I am my own worst critic. Heck I've only been at it two days. Should cut myself some slack, lol. But I think this is how the nesting instinct is actually manifesting this time around and I honestly do need to take advantage of it and get this done. And thanks for the goodwill reminder. I have a pile of clothes that I need to finish going through and donate what I don't wear. Since I'm rocking the bump right now, I ask myself what am I not sad about not wearing.

Ps It's a girl! We just found out a few days ago. DS gets a little sister!

[Andeza]

Grr, have about four big boxes full of random bits and pieces that don't "go" with anything else. Those are the worst. Boxes of books, easy. Same with video games or movies, or even baby clothes, there's nothing much to go through there so it ends up being just a quick inventory and tape it back up. But random crap? Ugh.

I swear there's a separate part of the body/brain that gets used for these kinds of long term item decisions. Mine must be atrophied. Time to flex it a bit.

[JustKeepTrying]

I'm preparing to travel full time in the fall.  As soon as DS goes to college, I'm hitting the road.  In the meantime, selling the family home of 25+ years filled with memories and cr*p.  My apartment is filled with stuff.  Some will go to storage in case this travel doesn't work - want a back up and not have to start again.

Point is I'm using the Marie Kondo method.  When I first heard of it I thought wacko.  But it is truly helping and I'm not feeling the fatigue from decision making but relief and joy by keeping what I really want.  Made a difference and mental head shift.

That being said, it is tiring.  I have to really wrench myself from the memories of my life in the Fog.  I try hard not to go down that rabbit hole - that is when it becomes overwhelming and fatiguing for me.

You are incredible to do all of this pregnant - moving in a pandemic.  That is inspiring and incredible!

[Andeza]

Eh, we got that pandemic thing over and done very early on. Unpleasant, obviously. But thank you for the encouragement, it's odd I didn't realize I needed that little push until I read your post.

Most of our stuff will be going into storage as well since we're planning on living in an rv for a while, but stationary. So I've got it in the back of my mind that I need to designate what goes to storage and what goes on the rv.

As for the random stuff? Ended up trashing about half of it. It's like getting your hair cut short after growing it out for a few years. Makes your head feel lighter.

I hope your travels are fantastic!