PD's that improves with therapy?

[Maxtrem]

Is there any here that a parent with a PD's has really changed with therapy. For maybe a month now, my uBPDm has been following a fairly well-known therapist on Facebook in my country who specializes in women who have experienced abuse. Basically the therapist gives one lecture a week for all her followers for about 3 hours and it doesn't cost much. I know I can't call her "totaly normal" at the moment, but she seems to have achieved a lot which is a first especially since it's not individual therapy. I wish I had hope but I'm still mixed at the moment.

[Leonor]

 

That's not how therapy works.

Therapy is deep healing, hard looking, radical honesty, break your heart open to let in the light healing.

This is a ploy to get you back in her sights. She's faking it: she's probably not even watching the videos all the way through. She's just figuring out what she needs to say or do, and just enough to get you to feel safe, and then she will pounce.

No engagement. Oh sounds interesting. Period, full stop.

You are not her therapist. She doesn't get to, like, watch a little video and then do therapy lite with you by chatting about this fabulous expert and her opinions about it. That is emotional abuse.

If she brings up that nonsense again it's mom, I'm not your therapist.

Period.

Full stop.

[Spring Butterfly]

Here'sa great summary and note the heading on longevity
https://outofthefog.website/treatment/

[Sneezy]

It sounds like your mother may have had an "aha" moment, where she realized that she had been abused and that that may explain some of her difficulties.  If that's what happened, that is not a bad thing.  Maybe it will give her the motivation to pursue more serious therapy in the future.  Maybe for now she needs to learn more, gather information, and think about what happened to her and how she wants to deal with it.  I won't say that you shouldn't be hopeful, but stay realistic as well.  An online therapy lecture is probably not going to result in long-term change.  It may open the door to things that will ultimately result in change, but by itself this probably isn't going to accomplish a whole lot.

Your mother's story sounds somewhat like my uHMIL.  MIL made a new friend who was a therapist.  Friend told MIL that MIL has been severely neglected as a child.  This caused MIL to re-examine her past.  I actually think MIL's friend was right.  MIL and her siblings were severely neglected and it's a wonder they all made it to adulthood.  None of this new realization ever really changed MIL's behavior.  But it did cause her family to re-examine her past and to somewhat understand why she might be the way she is.

[Boat Babe]

I am pretty sure that my elderly mother has BPD. I also think she suffered from years of C-PTSD after years of childhood and adult trauma right through into her thirties. She was an emotional wreck when I was a child and I am amazed that she held it together enough to raise me given our socio-economic difficulties. For that, I am grateful. She also parentified the life out of me, was volatile, histrionic and depressed. I would add naive and immature in many ways. She was often  a nightmare, constantly on edge and irrational at times and I pretty much raised myself emotionally and cognitively. She had awful codependent relationships with men that dominated much of her headspace for years.

As she has aged (89 now)  some of her personality has actually improved as I think that time has done it's healing work on the C-PTSD. She is a lot less reactive and much less prone to lashing out verbally/emotionally. Basically, she is more regulated so we have less drama. She continues to waif for England though.

So difficult for me to unpick all this.

[MarlenaEve]

@Maxtrem

I am that kind of person who believes that everything is possible. However, when it comes to PD behavior, it is pretty much textbook.
I have seen many PD behaviors in my life due to falling into bad crowds and none of the people who exhibited the behaviors ever mentioned wanting help or going to therapy. They were actually against healing, bettering themselves, bringing in the light, lol. I think these people are terrified of the light (although it is still there in them) and have made a pact with themselves to stay abusive for the rest of their lives.

I always wondered why and then realized that, if they ever tried to seek what's wrong in them, their entire psychological make-up would not be able to sustain the internal changes. There was one article in which was explained the fact that if a PD faces his, her own traumas and flaws it can actually lead to severe mental injury. Anyway, introspection is dangerous to them.

So I don't believe your mother might want to seek help. I do believe she WANTS you to know she wants to change and follow that therapist's advice. However, we have no info on whether she is doing anything remotely therapeutically behind closed doors. I noticed that PDs don't like to self-soothe or relax. Therapy at one point will lead to finding ways to self-soothe. This process of inner observation is a complex one.

So take everything that your mother tells you with a grain of salt. Moreover, take ANYTHING that a PD person tells you with a grain of salt. I have been lied by these people over and over so the truth is kind of buried in them. I'm not even sure if they are comfortable with truthful discussions.