I blocked my brother! Enough is enough already!

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MarlenaEve

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I blocked my brother! Enough is enough already!
« on: April 19, 2021, 02:41:41 PM »
Hi all.

I've managed to block my brother on my phone (and social media) last week WHILE maintaining contact with FOO. I think this is a big step for me toward healing. Reasons are: he has taken advantage of me too many times. Second, anytime he felt bad about himself, he would put me down. (I'm not the one responsible for his feelings). Third: he tried to turn me into his therapist. I asked him at one point why don't you go to therapy, you'll feel better long term. He answered: Why would I go to therapy if I have you? (   :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars:) and then he'd talk to me like I was his therapist..

Another reason was actually the breaking point: last week he called me and ordered me to break my plans (I was out and about) and go home to help our parents with something. He kept yelling at me that I should be responsible for this family and family comes first.

I was furious with him for the past couple of days but, after doing some mindset work, I've realized that he, too, is the victim of family abuse so I should understand that his behavior is rooted in his own issues with our mother.
I have 2 brothers and this guy is the most abusive (emotionally) of the 3 of us. I also think that he was the one who suffered the most (I suspect sexual abuse took place in the family).

I feel so happy and free now that I don't have to cater to this person's needs anymore and have nothing else to talk about with him. I am truly done and it shall stay this way.

Hope this post helps someone who is trying to set boundaries with their narcissistic siblings. Know that you can't force a relationship with these people, and each sibling has their own distorted version of the truth in the family system. But send them loving thoughts and hope that, one day they'll see the abuse they went through for what it is (and not for what they see it-my sib thinks our abuse is "just something everyone goes through, all families are dysfunctional", "no one is perfect" etc)

Hugs to all.
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:
the last of the human freedoms-
to choose one's attitude in any
given set of circumstances, to choose
one's own way.
-Viktor Frankl

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Rainbowrama

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Re: I blocked my brother! Enough is enough already!
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2021, 02:27:52 PM »
Thatís amazing to hear! You should definitely be proud of yourself for not allowing poor treatment from him anymore. Good decision and stay strong! From what Iíve read, he is not gonna change. :)

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MarlenaEve

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Re: I blocked my brother! Enough is enough already!
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2021, 04:44:59 PM »
@Rainbowrama
Thanks. You are right, he ain't gonna change. I actually thought he will because he keeps saying he wants to find a good therapist for his issues. However, from what I've read about PD behavior, it's possible that going to therapy maybe for the show. If he was indeed serious to get help and heal, he wouldn't have waited his entire life to find a good therapist. He's more financially independent in comparison with me, and he had more than enough resources in his life to pay for top professionals to help him deal with his traumas. So no, I don't think he'll change.

Of course, I want him to be well and someday see how traumatized he is and seek long-term therapy, but I'm not holding my breath.
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:
the last of the human freedoms-
to choose one's attitude in any
given set of circumstances, to choose
one's own way.
-Viktor Frankl

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Rainbowrama

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Re: I blocked my brother! Enough is enough already!
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2021, 06:28:14 PM »
If you donít trust it, then donít risk anything on it. Yeah, most probably they wonít change, why place your emotional well-being on a bet when the odds are so slim?  ;)